Teardrops of the River Lethe
by Arty d'Arc
Summary: Amnesia: a typical plot cliche found in fiction. But when fiction becomes reality, what will Kyon do? How did it happen? Who's to blame? Kyon x Haruhi COMPLETE
1. Prologue

_Prologue._

"I am not interested in human beings. However, if any of you are aliens, time travelers, espers, or sliders, come find me. That is all."

I will never forget that, as long as I live. That brief moment that sent my entire life rocketing off the rails, and the one and only Haruhi Suzumiya who would keep it off for good.

I will never forget Yuki Nagato, the alien who has saved me countless times, and my unspoken promise to protect her in return.

I will never forget sweet Mikuru Asahina, who relies on me to protect her, and once promised to return the favor however she could.

I will never forget Koizumi Itsuki, the smug esper who has allied himself with us, although the actual commitment he vouched took much longer to say and was much more unnecessarily complicated in sentence structure.

You may doubt it, but I know it's true. These people and the events they either inadvertently or deliberately caused, have marked me so thoroughly that I know even after one lifetime or five hundred lifetimes, I won't ever be able to forget them.

Assuming, of course, that I can still remember anything at all.


	2. Chapter 1

_Chapter 1._

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* * *

_

I awoke on top of a school building. It was chilly, frosty even, and I instantly curled in on myself for protection. It must be winter. Damn you, Yuki-onna, Snow Queen, Jack Frost, and every other stupid personification of this godforsaken season of snow and ice.

It was only as I said this that I opened my eyes and realized that while I could list these figures without hesitation, I could not name who the "I" in this situation was.

I sat up instantly, and blinked as my eyes adjusted to the light. I instantly regretted the decision to look around as my stomach twisted into knots. It's an odd feeling, knowing things should be familiar or probably are familiar, yet aren't. It's like reading a book that derives from something else, but you can't remember what. The characters are similar, the story is similar, but you just can't place it. Or is it? I don't think the analogy quite works. Perhaps I forgot how to do that too.

I got up, brushing off my pants. I had no idea where I was, aside from the fact it looked like a school. Maybe not though; plenty of things looked like places they weren't. So, what now? Getting down wouldn't particularly do much to help me, but what else could I do? There was no secret memory button to press, no fairy godmothers to grant my wish. Walking at least felt productive, as if I were getting somewhere.

A call, from behind me. Kon? The word is so completely incomprehensible, I almost turn around to ask what was meant by it. Can? Cone? Is it some popular band I can no longer recall? Not that I'd listen to them anyway. I don't know why, but I don't feel like the type who would. Or maybe I am. How pathetic would that be?

"Kyon!"

Oh, Kyon. Must be the band. Or, could it be. . .?

I turned around. A boy with hair oh so casually styled back in precisely the "oh so casual" way models in magazines wear their hair to seem "oh so casual" in their underwear and jeans (how do I remember that, for God's sake? Could I be gay?) was smiling at me. He had an air of smugness about him that instantly would have made me turn tail and run in any normal situation (or would I? Well, I would now) but I had no other option here. It was cold, I was alone, and this boy was calling me, smiling at me. I think.

To confirm whether or not that was a fact, I pointed to myself, my voice somehow afraid to rise.

"So you are still here," Mr. Smiles said with, shockingly enough, another smile. "Suzumiya was very concerned when you were not in class after lunch, as was I."

"What time is it?" It was a surprise to hear my voice, awkward and unfamiliar to my own ears.

"I'm afraid I'm not absolutely certain. I somehow misplaced my cell phone upon going into closed space—"

Closed space?

"—and the Organization—"

Organization? He said this so … easily. As if this were something I should just know, as if it were just a regular, everyday part of my life.

Just who was I?

"—has yet to replace it for me. However, if I had to hazard a guess, I would say it is around six."

Somehow, even though he had never stopped smiling, he really smiled after he said that. It was a deepening around the corners of his mouth, a slanting of the eyes, as if he peeled off a kabuki mask to reveal a similar yet slightly different and truer face underneath. I can only describe the effect as "coy".

"As I said, Suzumiya was very concerned." With that, the mask slipped back on, and he made a show of being exasperated by ruffling his hair with one hand. "I'm afraid she's had the entire Brigade searching for you ever since school ended. I'm completely exhausted."

He didn't look it. If there were any expression to be gleamed from his façade, it was a hint of relief in one eye. Wait. What's this about a Brigade?

"Asahina and Nagato were very concerned as well, although I've never been as adept on picking up on the latter's feelings as you are so it is merely a guess—"

"—Brigade?"

Mr. Smiles, faltered. Almost before my eyes, he reverted from fashion model to friend and for a brief second I felt … peace? No, connection. A feeling of completeness that was utterly unfamiliar but miserably missed. Then the smile returned, and the feeling was gone, leaving behind only a cold, dead longing I couldn't explain.

"Of course," he said. "The SOS Brigade."

I have to say it. I know it, feel it, have already thought it to myself, but somehow, it feels so much worse to say it, as if recognizing it means that it is real.

"No," I said finally, slowly. "Not of course." Another pause, as I fumbled for the words. "I don't know what that is. I don't know who you are, and. . ."

Pause again. The smile has vanished from his face.

"… I don't know who I am."

* * *

_Chapter two to come soon. It's already written, actually. Just needs betaing. First, some notes though:_

_Many, many thanks to my beta, Audley. She is ridiculously awesome and extremely dedicated, when she has the time and capabilities of doing so. Can't wait to work with you on a fic!_

_Yes, it is that river Lethe._

_This fic is a bit of an interesting one for me. It was inspired by the novels itself, which had one reoccurring line that always somewhat intrigued me, and I paraphrased it here: "Provided I still have my memory". It led me to consider whether the author was attempting to foreshadow something, and then to what would happen should amnesia, a time-tested plot cliche, ever befall our poor Kyon. This is the result._

_Anyway, hope you enjoyed it! Until we meet again._


	3. Chapter 2

_Chapter 2.

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_

I wasn't particularly sure how I felt. Boredom seemed to be locked in a struggle with anxiety and nerves, who have combined to form a super ball of worry. Meanwhile, in the corner quivered hope, who had been furiously beaten into a bloody pulp five minutes into the battle. I was merely a bystander with no control whatsoever and, having resigned myself to this fate, I collapsed onto the cold, stiff, standard issue medical bed.

The room around me was similarly styled, a fake-home atmosphere accented by walnut paneling and quiet lights that spoke of money. Had Mr. Smiles—Koizumi, he had told me on the quick and sudden trip to this clearly well-endowed establishment—not taken me here himself, I might have held on to the hope that I had drawn the jackpot when it came to families. No such luck, however; this was apparently an Agency (whatever that meant) clinic, and as swanky as it was, the group had made it quite clear it was a favor on their part. Apparently the second one already for me, not that I would know.

The trip over here had been interesting, to say the least. Upon learning of my predicament, Mr. Smiles quickly took charge and asked for my cell phone. He spoke to a few different people, crisp and fast, and a car soon appeared, along with—

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE DOESN'T REMEMBER ANYTHING!?"

That bellow, worthy of those cheesy all capital letters you see in light novels, came from outside the door and theoretically belonged to the brunette of the three companions from the drive. It certainly didn't seem possible that the maid or the quiet girl could let out such a screech, while Yellow Ribbons (the brunette) had proven herself to be somewhat highly dramatic when she slapped me in the ambulance over here.

"Miss Suzumiya, please calm down. We had a bit of an … incident earlier today, and you might cause—"

"I don't care about that! You will fix Kyon now and I will take him and the rest of my subordinates home!"

Kyon. That's what they called me, although Yellow Ribbons—Suzumiya, I guess—had said something about a John Smith or something out of the others' earshot. The name was apparently only a nickname, but all attempts to actually recall what my real name failed. That did not bode well for me. I was trying to formulate a high image of my character, but so far, I had only come up with two things: a complete doormat who allows people to call him stupid nicknames (the more likely option) or someone who actually appreciates such stupid nicknames, neither of which appealed to me.

"Miss Suzumiya, we cannot just 'fix' him." The voice was stuffy, arrogance emanating from every syllable. Was this an Organization trademark? Were theatrics something they learned in training? "In fact …" there was a pause for dramatic purposes alone, and I imagined that he was drawing himself up, trying to seem taller. His chest was probably swelling with hot air self-importance, and for some reason this terrible urge to punch whomever was speaking came over me.

"There is a chance, depending on the cause of this, that he may never regain his memory."

Bam! The dynamic duo of anxiety and nerves, now working under the collective name F.E.A.R, knocked boredom right out of the ring. I could only sit idly by and watch them collect their reward: me.

I want to go home.

But without memories, even if someone came to take me there, I realized it wouldn't feel like much of a difference at all.

Nighttime. We stood outside the clinic to wait for a car, as my mother was adamant about coming to get me herself and talk with the doctor. She hadn't, as far as I could tell from my safe distance away from the phone, been happy with Yellow Ribbons, who had taken the brunt of her yelling for Mr. Smiles. Wait. Suzumiya. Koizumi. They have names, even if I can't remember them.

With this in mind, I looked again at the group who called themselves my friends, frantically trying to glue their names to the images. Suzumiya (Yellow Ribbons) was, at the moment, tapping her foot and pretending she wasn't watching me, like she was afraid that I would run off somewhere if she stopped looking. Koizumi (Mr. Smiles) was sitting on the curb, seemingly content to do so—definitely a model employee of this so called Organization. The Maid (Asahina), like Suzumiya, was checking up on me as subtly as she could; unfortunately she appeared to be unskilled at deception. I caught her eyes and with a squeak she turned forward, a blush reddening her pale cheeks.

Purple-Haired Girl (Nagato) successfully stuffed a book into my hand without anyone noticing—the first actually subtle action I'd seen from anyone in this group all night. I almost dropped what appeared to be a rather bulky collection of Asimov's stories and shot her a questioning look.

"Um?"

Without looking at me, she drew one finger to her mouth, shushing me. Her hands then opened and closed, as if she were showing me what to do with the book. Somewhat embarrassed, I opened the book and a small slip of paper fell to the floor. When there was no response from her end, I picked it up. Even for a girl's handwriting, it was overly neat, as if it had been typed, and the message itself was just as clean and clear, even if the intentions were as murky as the puddles on the side of the road.

Somehow, Koizumi avoided being splashed by one as a car drove up into them, and a screaming child dressed in pajamas, her limbs swinging everywhere, jumped out and attached herself to me. I have a sister, apparently. I imagine no other relative would do such a thing.

* * *

My mother turned out to be a nice lady. She peeled my sister off of me, didn't ask many questions, and prevented my sister from doing the same. She seemed endowed with a sort of ESP, telling her how much to push and to leave, and I was extraordinarily grateful. Upon reaching my house, a regular, middle class type place, she sent me off to bed, pausing only for one hug outside the door when I hesitated to enter. It was a nice gesture. Very much appreciated, if a little awkward.

My bedroom was simple. A bookcase in one corner, a small desk in another, and a bed that could have been made of nails and burning coals for all that I cared pushed off to one side. I wanted sleep. I wanted the warmth of deep, thick comforters and flannel sheets and a blissful state of no awareness in which I could curl up and feel no fear, no loneliness, and an emptiness that was meant to be and not forced by some unknown bonk on the head or wizard or dust or God only knows what. A natural emptiness.

A look at the clock, however, told me that this was not going to happen tonight. Shutting the door behind me, I jumped onto the bed, and waited the five minutes until midnight, at which time I would have to quietly but quickly make my way across the hall, down the stairs, and through the front door without waking up any of my family. At this door, according to the note, they would be there to meet me. The note failed to include any sort of reason why. The only clear detail was that Yellow Ribbons was not to know, for another unknown reason. Considering the leadership vibe she emanated back at the clinic, I couldn't really think why not. Most likely it was related to her, but assuming that was the case, then I didn't see how I would be of any use.

Breaking this train of thought was a poke into my right foot and I jumped, banging my head into the wall as I caught sight of one of the very people I was supposed to meet downstairs. Standing shrouded in the darkness of the bedroom was someone who bore a strong resemblance to the quiet, purple-haired girl. I struggled for a name, then tried:

"Nagato?"

"Late." One simple word, and a soft, low feminine voice. More clues as to the identity of my late-night visitor. The lights flickered on and after a short moment to reorient themselves my eyes revealed that it was indeed the statuesque girl, although I didn't exactly jump for joy at the thought. Was I really late? I glanced at the clock. '1:00'. Huh. I must have fallen asleep.

"I apologize for this," said a smooth, masculine voice . Koizumi, my gut told me, and, turning towards the doorway, I saw him holding the door open for the maid, now in normal clothing and looking positively mortified at the thought of entering my bedroom. She—Asahina?—finally stepped inside, and Koizumi continued, "However, the urgency of this situation calls for no other approach." He pulled up a chair from the desk, while Nagato and Mikuru continued to stand, one in indifference and the other out of maidenly shyness. I shifted my position and sat cross-legged on my bed, sensing an awkwardly formal tone of business in Koizumi's words.

"It's all right, I guess." The words were out of my mouth before I knew it, and realizing I had nothing else to add, I lowered my gaze. Why was this so awkward? These were supposedly friends, possibly here to tell me something very important. Maybe even how I got into this state. Why, then, did I feel like Wart after pulling the sword out of the stone, as if I were expected to choose the fate of an entire land? Why were _they_ looking at me that way? For the _n_th time in what had basically been two days, I wondered silently just who I was.

For the first time, I considered that perhaps I would be better off not knowing.

Eventually, Koizumi took charge: "Do you remember anything at all? Or perhaps have remembered something recently? Even if such a memory seems strange and improbable, you should tell us. Actually, all things considered, you should tell us especially if it seems strange or improbable."

"I haven't remembered anything."

"Not even the slightest detail?"

I shook my head, somewhat irritated. Why would I lie about it?

"I see." His smile faltered as he leaned forward to rest his hand in his hands. "Ah, I suppose you would have told us if you had."

"If you say so."

A silence followed, exuding a stench of secrecy that prompted me not to let my guard down. There was definitely something that they wanted to say here, but for some reason they kept delaying the need, as if a coconut would fall from the sky and suddenly grant me my memory in true deus ex machina form.

The quiet was broken only by a whimper from the corner, as Asahina took a step forward and said, "Kyon …"

She looked positively broken, tears falling like diamonds and for the first time I really looked at her face. She was, surprisingly, very beautiful, with a round face that suited her childlike manner. Taken aback, I looked at Nagato, who was staring intently at me in her apathetic way, and then at Koizumi, whose smile had yet to return.

A summer storm of guilt hit me, sudden and hard. This wasn't their fault. I was so trapped in my own feelings of misery and confusion that I hadn't even considered how it might feel on the other side of this. As awkward as it was to be in a unfamiliar home, with friends only slightly less so, how would it feel to be completely unrecognized by someone, if Asahina's tears were any indication, clearly important to them? The people had relied on Excalibur to bring them a king. How would they feel if the sword had forgotten its purpose and simply fallen out of the stone?

_But … _

At the same time, I wasn't able to just change my attitude. Did that make me a horrible person?

"I'm sorry," Asahina sobbed. "If—if I … " She broke down, unable to continue.

I couldn't let this go on further.

"Hey," I said, as brightly as possible, desperate to stop such a lovely girl's tears. "It isn't your fault. It's no one's fault, really."

"That is not so certain."

I turned to Nagato in astonishment, having never heard her speak so many words at one time. She looked at Koizumi, who smiled and straightened up.

"An excellent point indeed," he agreed. "But how to explain, I wonder?"

"We—we can't just tell him!" Asahina cried, shocked out of her tears.

"Why not? It worked well enough before." Koizumi said with a hint of an amusement, as if he were making some sort of inside joke he knew I couldn't possibly understand.

"The situation is entirely different! He's hurt, confused—"

"—Which could possibly make him more open to some of the ideas we need to present than he was originally, and perhaps to some that we've discussed which we weren't even able to present."

"And what if this only hurts him when he does remember? I … I can't take advantage of him like this. It's wrong, and you know it."

"I seem to recall certain situations where you weren't so hesitant about forcing him into action."

The girl's eyes widened. She stuttered a "How did you know?" before Nagato stepped in, breaking up what I suspected was an longtime argument.

"We have no choice in the matter," she said quietly.

It's amazing, really, how she managed to catch our attention so thoroughly and simply. Nagato didn't yell or scream or stamp her feet, yet we all turned to her instantly, and she continued: "Mikuru Asahina is correct. Any manipulations in the data currently known to him could possibly have negative after-effects on certain psychological processes. However, the potential dangers will be significantly decreased if he is given the necessary information to process them and protect himself. For that to occur, he must be told."

Nagato was suddenly standing before me, her mouth moving at an impossible speed as she said something in a strange sounding language. I shut my eyes just as a sudden burst of cold hit my face, forcing me to immediately open them again.

My view was filled with white. Snow fell delicately and softly from the night sky above. My bed, the room, Asahina and Koizumi—they were all gone, leaving Nagato and I alone in this white world.

"Uh … why …?"

"You will excuse me. While I do not personally feel any resentment or need to transfer this information in private, I am not allowed to do so otherwise."

"You mean, not in front of Asahina and Koizumi?"

She nodded.

"Where are we?"

"I manipulated the data in this current time-space to produce a new environment, sustained temporarily within the fragment of a second."

That meant absolutely nothing to me.

"It was the most suitable course of action, enabling maximum privacy and optimal representation as to the purposes of our discussion."

"Discussion?" I'm ashamed to say my voice cracked on the last syllable. What sort of discussion could be so important that she needed to create a new world just to tell me about it?

Perhaps due to my sudden and obvious anxiety, she hesitated, surprising me. The girl I had thought might actually be made of marble was human after all, and it was obvious she was thinking of the gentlest way to say something that was bound to be very difficult and confusing to me. Or at least that's what I hoped she was thinking of.

"The last time we discussed this, you best understood my position here as what is typically categorized as an alien."

Well then. I was right that it was going to be very difficult and confusing for me to understand.

* * *

_My beta is out and away, vacationing somewhere of less fickle weather, but the next chapter is all written up, so it shouldn't be long. She even mentioned being perhaps able to fix it up sometime this week. So, have fun, Audley! Thank you for being so excellent and determined!_

_Thanks for the reviews, those who took the time to do so! Until we meet again._


	4. Chapter 3

_Chapter 3._

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The wind was bitter and fierce as I sat with Nagato on a snowy terrain in an indeterminable location. Part of me wanted to say that I hadn't moved at all from my spot on the bed, but that wasn't possible. It simply couldn't be. The universe does not work that way. It is not possible for a person to exist in two places at the same time. Then again, five minutes ago I would have said aliens didn't exist, so perhaps the universe is much larger than my memory or common sense is aware of.

The girl's—interface's—explanation made no sense. Lots of stuff about Data Integration Whatzahoozits, auto-evolution, and many big words only a pretentious child with access to a very large dictionary could ever possibly utter so casually. Somehow, the gist of it though stuck in my mind. Yellow Ribbons—Haruhi Suzumiya—was not a normal girl. I, Kyon, was a normal boy. Somehow, she and I, despite being complete opposites, were connected. I was, as the girl-alien-interface explained it, a key, although I think it makes much more sense to say to me that I was a trigger. Something about my existence meant something to Suzumiya, and a simple word or action on my part had "the potential to propel Haruhi Suzumiya into creating, destroying, or manipulating the data to suit her preferences." In other words, one wrong word from me and Suzumiya could press the button. Everything goes boom.

And so … I sat.

I had just been told something about myself I knew should not be true about any person. Memory or no, I still had some sense of the universe and its general properties, and this went very clearly against them. So, I sat, feeling the cold snow melting through my thin pants, making my skin burn. My hair stood on end as Nagato's gaze bore deeper into me than even the sharpest ice could, chilling my soul.

"No."

The word came out pleading. I said it again, trying to express my need to do something, not just sit idly by like a loser. It was too short, and didn't say what I wanted to say: "No, that was not my life. No, I was nothing more than a student, maybe an athlete or a musician or a novelist, but no, not anything so insanely weird."

But all I said was "No."

Somehow though, it was enough for this alien-interface-girl, whose words fluttered out like the breaths of a mountain climber: carefully measured and used only when needed. She wasn't the slightest bit ruffled: "There is no 'no' in the situation. There is only reality. You are the key to Suzumiya. I am an alien."

The snowy terrain broke down, and we were back in my bedroom. Asahina and Koizumi jumped slightly at our sudden return.

Nagato nodded to them. "And they are of similar positions."

It took me a minute to remember what she was talking about. The abruptness of our departure had briefly driven our scintillating conversation from my mind.

Koizumi smiled. "You don't trust us, Nagato?"

For a second, it appeared she didn't know how to reply. She may have even blinked. Then: "I believe you know from your own orders the reason for my actions."

I must have imagined the coyness behind Nagato's words.

Koizumi flashed a brief, genuinely surprised smile. "Ah, very true." He turned to me. "It is as she says, Kyon. In fact … "

He pulled out a flashing cell phone and hit a few buttons.

"Now, if you all wouldn't mind coming with me, I have a few tricks of my own to show you."

* * *

I should have run then and there; not kept walking hopelessly on through the streets, a windbreaker pulled tight around me as Nagato, Asahina and I followed Koizumi. These people were psychotic, crazy, maybe even dangerous. I was somewhat willing to believe that they were all pulled out of some third-rate science-fiction novel, as much as I hate it to be true. It would be better than the alternative. All this junk about me was ridiculous. Laughable. Absolutely impossible. It had to be.

But. . .

Didn't I suspect it? I had called myself Excalibur. They called me a key, but wasn't that what Excalibur really was? A key?

No. This was different. I had thought about it, but I hadn't really expected confirmation! Reality was something far more definite than safe little thoughts that aren't supposed to do anything except stir fear. I had thought it, maybe even known it deep down, but that wasn't the same as wanting it.

I had wanted to remember. But if this was the cost …

Well, I didn't anymore.

As if they sensed that the slightest wrong word might send me off my rocker, no one had attempted to speak to me since we left my house. Asahina, however, shuffling beside me, glanced my way every few steps, her eyes reflecting a struggle to make a decision of some sort.

"So, what are you?" My voice seemed overly loud in the quiet night. I was keenly aware that Koizumi and Nagato would be listening acutely.

She started, surprised that I had spoken. I almost couldn't believe it myself. Was I accepting this? No. I couldn't be. I was just curious.

"W—what?"

"You know. Alien, witch, ghost, demon, djinn …" I could hardly believe I was spouting this nonsense as if it were real.

"Oh, no! Nothing like that!" She waved her hands in a way that, if I had to admit it, was rather cute, and tucked a strand of hair behind one ear. Her cheeks were red. I marveled at that, wondering why. "I'm just a time traveler!"

_Just_? Although considering the alien-robot-magician-interface-girl in front of me, perhaps 'just' was the word to use. She was still human after all.

"I see," I answered, even though I really didn't. Although … "Did you know this was going to happen?" I asked, even though I was pretty sure I already knew the answer.

"Um … that's … "

"That's what?"

"Nothing!" she shot back quickly. "No, I didn't. Honest! I mean, I know I'm from the future, but—"

Did she think I was accusing her?

"Relax! It was just a question. It was stupid of me to ask."

"No, not at all!" she replied, beaming. My heart fluttered a little. That smile reminded me of something, but I couldn't think what. Not to say that it wasn't a nice sight, but it didn't feel like the original. Like a replica Monet painting, almost. You'd never be able to tell the difference unless you had seen the real one, behind the velvet rope and glass. I shook the feeling off and she continued, "You have the right to ask, Kyon. It's not fair of us to throw this all down on you again."

"Again?"

She nodded, seeming somewhat ashamed. "When we first met, at the start of high school. Or, well, it'd be better to say when you first met Miss Suzumiya."

There it was again. "About that. I'm not really sure I'm what you guys are looking for—"

"Oh, but you are, Kyon! You don't remember, but you are. You're absolutely essential to Miss Suzumiya, to the entire universe. If you weren't, we wouldn't—"

She stopped, flustered.

"Wouldn't what?"

"That's classified." But she didn't sound so certain.

"Can't you even give me a hint?"

She shook her head. "You're already having difficulty understanding."

"Maybe this will help!"

"I don't want to hurt you with …" Asahina mumbled, lowering her head, hiding her eyes under a thick curtain of hair.

"With what?"

"With certain undesirable truths," Koizumi interrupted, having stopped in front of us at some point during the conversation. I hadn't even realized our little scouting party had come to a stop, but here we were, in a small park a good ten minutes from my house. "Ones I believe, if I can speak for Nagato and Asahina, none of us are entirely proud of."

He stretched out a hand, and strangely, I did not hesitate to take it, as if I already knew what it meant.

The world turned gray and empty before my eyes. No Nagato, no Asahina, no noise, no wind—nothing. Buildings surrounded us, cars were parked on the street, all the typical signs of civilization, but there was no life. Just Koizumi and I, standing on the same pavement with the same little initials carved into it by teenagers who couldn't let the poor cement just dry in peace.

"Closed space," he said simply, slowly letting go of my hand. I was tempted to say I thought Nagato's trick was more impressive, but I chose to give him the benefit of the doubt and ignored the place itself.

"So … you're a slider?"

"No, I'm afraid you're wrong. This is not another dimension, as much as it seems like one. I've lately taken a liking to my colleague's theory, which defines this place as a pocket of Suzumiya's mind. So, I suppose you could say it's no place at all."

"And that makes you … ?"

"An esper. At least, that's what we call ourselves."

Koizumi's little speech was cut short by a sudden, horrible sound of twisting metal and breaking rock that came from behind us, knocking me off my feet. I tumbled onto the cement. Before I even had a chance to cry out a warning or shout "What the hell?" in order to keep up appearances, Koizumi was gone, rocketing off the ground in a display of full power. Nothing more than a streak of fire, he launched himself at the Celestial—

Wait. How did I know that?

—slicing off its limbs left and right. If the arm and leg-shaped appendages on this creature of energy, light, and brutality could really be called limbs. Near the head, a group of similar red lights were spinning around like gnats. They seemed so intangible, so unreal. Yet I could hear the crashes, the bashing and gnashing sounds of destruction that struck the ears as particularly loud after the silence that had greeted us upon our entrance. Eventually the hulking figure collapsed just as the laws of physics predicted it would, spewing smoke and debris from its collision with the ground before it completely disappeared. Koizumi continued to fly around with another esper, theoretically conversing about some matter, and then slowly came back down and back to human form.

"I understand you're having difficulty realizing what you mean to Suzumiya," he said, smiling gently.

Another Celestial rose up behind him, arm up and ready to swing. Any potential note of caution I might have shouted was mysteriously lost on its way to my throat as I lay sprawled, dumbstruck, on the ground.

"Feel free to take this as your proof."

Even through my terror, I was filled with a sudden and burning desire to smack Koizumi as hard as I could.

* * *

_Another chapter down. My beta has the next two, and six is written up, so expect update goodness relatively soon. Major props to my beta! She is amazing. And thanks for all the reviews, guys! I really appreciate it. If anyone's got any questions, feel free to PM and ask. I won't spoil, but I'll certainly explain._

_Until we meet again._


	5. Chapter 4

_Chapter 4._

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_

"Feel free to take this as your proof."

Koizumi said, a smug sort of glint in his eye, as if such a stunning display of supernatural might was enough to suddenly make me well, with my memory restored; or at the very least more willing to accept all that he, Koizumi, and the others had thrown at me, and because of the sheer importance of it, I was going to be a good little boy from here on out.

I believe the phrase 'Fat chance' worked best here.

The sight of him, standing there so expectantly, infuriated me enough to finally snap me out of my stunned stupor. I scrambled to my feet, seething.

"Proof?" I shot back, voice only slightly higher than usual. Really. "Of what? So far all I'm seeing is some kid's science project gone—"

Before I could finish what I was sure would have been a scathing diatribe, Koizumi tackled me aside in order to make way for the flying metal slide that would have surely crushed me into the ground. He held me down with one hand as he looked around nervously, ready and waiting to be a shield at any moment. Several tense seconds went by, but finally his face relaxed and I twisted my head as far as I could until I could see what he was staring at: a troop of espers. I chanced a question:

"Those your friends?"

"In a manner of speaking. 'Colleagues' would be the more appropriate term."

"Right. And just what is the supposed proof, by the way?"

"Celestials. They are creatures, of sorts, that only exist within closed space. They are a way for Haruhi Suzumiya to express her frustration over whatever happens to be upsetting her life at the time."

I felt an unsettling pang. "Like an amnesiac friend?"

He smiled. "Yes, that would be one potential cause. When they do appear, for whatever reason, it is our job to lay them to rest and make sure the closed space is terminated."

_Well, you're doing a good job of it,_ I thought as I watched the other espers regroup and attack the Celestial.

Despite the fact that dismemberment by flying objects was no longer imminent, he didn't get off me, which meant I could do nothing but lie under him and watch the display. Admittedly, it was somewhat impressive to see the skill and preciseness with which the glowing figures moved, as if they were one being split up into several parts. It was something, thinking back, that had been oddly absent when Koizumi had been up there with them. Or rather, the unity had existed, but it hadn't included him.

As casually as possible, I trained my gaze on the boy still lying somewhat awkwardly on top of me, trying to divine some sort of hidden thought in his face. Did he realize this? How separated he was from these people who were supposedly just like him?

There were no dramatic tears, no disappointed droop of the shoulders; there was nothing but a brief flash of something in his eyes and a slight tightening of his lips. It was nothing, yet somehow I was suddenly sure of two things: one being that yes, he did indeed know. The other was that, despite what he may have thought (it certainly did seem like a surprise to him for some reason), it didn't bother him in the slightest. Why? I was a normal human being, and I felt badly enough about having lost my place in this little group in which I apparently took part.

Unless … was it because of this group … ?

I effectively stopped that train of thought before it could continue any further. It was just too much for me. All of it, not just the sudden appearance of human traits in Koizumi the Smiling Enigma. I tried valiantly not to lose my composure and coughed quietly. Koizumi looked down at me, realizing, and with some slight embarrassment rolled off of me to stand nearby, flashing an apologetic smile on his face. For a split second, I thought I spotted a blush creeping over his cheeks, but I shrugged it off as merely the glow from an approaching esper.

The glowing ball of extra-sensory perception stretched and expanded into a tall, striking man, with long, blonde hair that flowed past a broad back and dark, expensive clothing that reeked of power and pretension. Then he smiled, a goofy, crooked grin and as thrown by it as I was, I couldn't help warming to him.

"Koizumi! All this action and you're just lying around?" he asked, with just the right amount of playfulness. He had a trace of a British accent and by all accounts seemed perfectly friendly, yet Koizumi didn't exactly look pleased to see him. He was smiling, of course, but it was his typical forced, fake smile that didn't really mean anything. The slight narrowing of his eyes gave it away, as his gaze moved to the floor then to nothing in particular.

"Hello, Derrick. I'm afraid I was a little busy … "

The esper—Derrick—raised one hand, winking good-naturedly. "Say no more. I get it, really." He crouched down next to me. "So, you're Haruhi's favorite toy?"

Suddenly I felt much less inclined to like him. "That's what I've been told, yeah."

"Went and got yourself broken, did you?"

"It wasn't really a choice."

"Hey, now." Derrick grinned at me. "No need to get testy. I can see how all her coddling would leave you soft to any old knock on the head," He was still grinning, but in a horrible, nasty, forced way, as if by grinning he thought I wouldn't see the malicious intent in his eyes. I gained a new respect for Koizumi's own personal smile. At least his didn't try to be genuine.

Koizumi grimaced. "That has nothing to do with his amnesia."

"So says you. As I recall, you have a tendency to mark him higher on the chart than you should."

Derrick's fake smile slipped off, just for a second, and, though I couldn't discern the meaning for it, the animosity that filled his face was shocking. Koizumi looked like he'd been slapped.

He regained his composure, although there were now two pink spots of rage blossoming high on his cheeks. "Ah. I suppose I do. But, as I recall, that has nothing to do with this situation, not to mention that the superiors agree with my theory for the situation."

"Your superiors."

"Yours as well—"

"Wait," I said, desperately trying to keep up with what the two espers were saying.

Having apparently forgotten about my presence in the face of what seemed to be an age-old argument, the two turned to look at me, startled. Or maybe they just hadn't thought that I would be so bold as to insert myself into their conversation. I was a little surprised at myself, but I had to say something. Koizumi looked ready to lose the calm he had so carefully constructed for himself, and I was genuinely curious about the answer to my question:

"Do you guys know what happened to me?"

Koizumi's smile slowly returned, much more comfortable with this turn in the conversation. "Well, while we don't really know, we do have an idea we're quite comfortable with. Nagato's people seem to agree. Asahina's as well."

"Or so they'd have us believe, anyway," Derrick interjected sharply.

I ignored the comment, pushing further. "Well, what is it? What's the idea?"

Koizumi reached out a hand to help me up and after a moment's hesitation, I took it and pulled myself up.

"Is that to say that you've realized your importance in this matter?" Koizumi asked, dropping my hand quickly.

"No."

"Well, then, I'm afraid you're not going to believe me. The entire theory rests on the idea that any negative change in you causes Suzumiya pain. "

"Tell me anyway."

Koizumi glanced at Derrick, perhaps expecting him to make some sort of remark. The blonde merely laughed and said, "Hey, don't look at me. I don't have much of a gentle touch when it comes to these matters. I just wanted to meet the legendary key himself."

Koizumi shook his head, a smile on his face but a slightly disgusted flash in his eyes. Someday, I'd really have to ask what a guy could do to get Koizumi so riled up. "By now, you've seen for yourself that Suzumiya has attracted some abnormal parties to her."

Assuming that I believed him, yes, that was blatantly obvious. I waited for him to continue, but it took him a few seconds before he realized I wasn't going to answer. He covered with a little cough and continued, with three fingers raised.

"Aliens, time travelers, espers—those are the three you've seen so far, and, while there are still chances of others, they are the only three that have made themselves known. They—or, perhaps I should say, 'we'—are all currently doing nothing more than observing Haruhi Suzumiya's actions for our own separate reasons. As it happens, there are voices of dissension amongst the groups themselves. I cannot speak for Nagato or Asahina, but I know for a fact there are some espers who would rather take a more, ah, "direct" approach to the matter. The same most likely goes for Nagato and Asahina's respective organizations as well."

That struck a chord in me. A memory, or rather a fleeting feeling of having one, flashed through my mind, but even after pushing my mental muscles practically to their breaking point, I could not recall anything but a laugh. More of a giggle, really. High-pitched, feminine, and sickly sweet, the very memory of it sent a chill down my spine that I found particularly unfair considering the giggler and the context remained a total mystery.

"The DITE refuses to confirm, while the time travelers are downright useless," Derrick clarified. "The mere thought of interfering in the past gets them pissing in their knickers."

"An apt way of putting it," Koizumi continued with an empty chuckle. "One group is all that it takes to provoke Suzumiya though, especially if I'm right and they've discovered the best way of doing so."

His eyes flicked to me in a knowing gaze, and for a second I considered yelling at him, telling him to get to the point. Realization struck a second later though.

"They caused me to lose my memory to get to Suzumiya?"

Koizumi smiled. "That would be the theory. You must admit, the dramatic and sudden arrival of your amnesia is unusual, not to mention the entirety of it. Normally, there are only certain moments or parts of the memory which are lost, mainly due to trauma. The idea that a person can forget absolutely everything is usually the stuff of fiction. Therefore, since you remember nothing whatsoever, it naturally points to the involvement of something supernatural."

"Can you espers do that?"

Derrick snorted. "If only! We're weaklings outside these little spots." Koizumi threw him a somewhat questioning look, which he ignored.

"I'm afraid he's correct," Koizumi asserted a second later, hands outstretched. "Our powers are only active within closed space, for whatever reason. You can see why we have reason to believe more than one organization is behind the matter."

That did make sense. However, there was still one thing yet to be explained properly here:

"Why me? Wouldn't it make more sense to go after Suzumiya herself? What—is she my girlfriend or something?" Perish the thought.

Koizumi chuckled again, this time genuinely. "Suzumiya created all of this. Espers, time travelers, aliens—all of it. Directly going after her is far too risky. And, as for your other question, I'm afraid it's a bit more complicated than that."

"Then explain it."

"He can't," Derrick said, a note of finality in his voice. I waited a moment, wondering what he meant, and thankfully, he explained, "Suzumiya chose you. The whys and the hows are for us generally just guesses. Whatever is between you is between you two, and it can stay that way as long as you don't get it in your brains to destroy the universe. From what I know, which still isn't much, you weren't too clear on it yourself, if that helps. But, though this chat has been great fun, quitting time has finally arrived." He jerked his thumb in the direction of where we had come in and I turned to look …

There was merely a brief flash of light that darkened and formed into the features of Asahina. Koizumi and I had returned to the real world. I looked around for Derrick, but saw nothing. He did have an accent. Could he have come from another country?

I saw a light flash in an apartment window across the street. On, off, on, flicking about in a sort of Morse code. Then a hand poked out and gave a royal wave, though from this distance I couldn't tell. Still though, could it be … ?

I waved just in case as Asahina nervously asked a question.

"Um, Kyon? Do you understand now?"

My hand wavered down. Did I understand? I suppose I did. Did I accept? I couldn't really deny what I had seen tonight, which generally meant I did accept the existence of aliens, time travelers, and espers or psychics or c-list actors or whatever they are. I was even almost willing to say that this Suzumiya had the power to do the unthinkable, if only based on what I had seen of her personality.

But me? How could I be anything but an ordinary kid? I didn't have any powers, mythical origins, or mysterious deeds to my name. One of the three standing before me would have mentioned that if I was anything but the normal, average, everyday teenager. And from what I could gather, Suzumiya hated kids like me.

So, why? It was the question I most wanted an answer to, and the one I couldn't get. I thus replied the only way I could to the trio standing in front of me, each of them looking at me expectantly in his or her own way.

"I understand enough, I guess."

I shrugged, seemingly casual about it. Inside though, I was cringing at how utterly pathetic I sounded.

* * *

_Slightly longer? Yes? Kinda even though kinda is not a word but I just like it regardless? I don't know. I apologize, really. I just tend towards short chapters. I think it comes from my mind generally thinking in screenplay format; I say the most in as little time as possible._

_Expect major plot movement in the next chapters, as the exposition finally comes to a close and we can get into the real meat of it._

_Applause for my beta, Audley, who is amazing at life. Speaking of her, I place a poll question: how much does Derrick remind you of Lucius Malfoy? She's very much convinced the two are one and the same, while I admit I hadn't even remotely thought of him when I was writing._

_Until we meet again._


	6. Chapter 5

_Chapter 5._

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* * *

  
_

After getting to bed around four, waking up in the morning was, to say the very least about it, difficult. However, despite my mother's protests and my own exhaustion, I scrambled out of bed and into a bluish uniform, only struggling with the tie. It was still a little crooked by the time I finally left the house, but it was getting late and so I jumped onto my bike anyway. My going to school would be pointless if I didn't get there before class started. After all, I was going for Suzumiya. If I was late, I wouldn't be able to talk to her until break, and by then I would probably lose my nerve. Not that it was guaranteed to stick around when I entered the classroom, as my stomach twinged at the thought of Yellow Ribbons in her seat. I didn't even know what I was going to say to her.

_But … _

She was the reason behind this mess, more or less. Not to mention that if I spoke to her I could disprove all this nonsense about me being this key the others wanted me to be.

_Or prove it_, I thought with a start. No, I shouldn't think about that. I'm nothing, just a plain, normal, average everyday teenager.

Was it odd that I wanted that? Thousands of people who weren't suffering from complete amnesia would love to be someone special, someone important. Why was it so important to me not to be? Was that a sign of my memory returning? It did, so far, seem to be coming back in small drips and drabs, so minute I barely noticed them. Perhaps it was a sign that I knew I was normal, that it was proven I was just some kid to this Suzumiya and not what everyone seemed determined to convince me I was. Even with no memories, maybe this undeniable fact had remained intact.

Energized by this possibility, I peddled faster on the route my mother had explained to me, making only a few wrong turns here and there. Of course, seeing the massive hill I had to climb stole all that energy away, and like a snail, I slowly crawled up, grimacing.

When I finally arrived, class had already started. Dammit. Suzumiya didn't look at me as I came in, nor did she even make a sign that even suggested she cared that I had entered. So I was right. How Koizumi and the others could assume that this girl cared about me was incomprehensible.

I walked as casually as possible to the teacher, aware that the eyes of the entire class were firmly planted on my back, and started to stammer out an excuse when he stopped me. Assuring me that he was quite aware of the situation, he gestured towards my seat and promised not to count the tardy. I thanked him, and looked towards the direction he pointed: second seat from the back, near the windows. In other words, it was the seat directly in front of Suzumiya's.

No, this wasn't going to be awkward at _all_.

As I ambled over, I couldn't help looking at her. After all, she was directly in my line of vision if I wanted to avoid the pity in everyone else's gaze. Now that I was no longer in as much of a haze of confusion and fear as I had been the day before, I could see how beautiful she was. No more or less so than Asahina or even Nagato, if one was judging regardless of species, but in a different way, I guess. Asahina was very childish, youthful, and doe-eyed; more of the average idea of the Asian beauty. Nagato was reserved and unreceptive, a marble sculpture in a museum. Suzumiya however … I didn't really know how to put it. If Asahina were Aphrodite and Nagato were Athena, she'd be Artemis, goddess of the wild and the hunt. In fact, I had little trouble picturing her traipsing about with her nymphs, protecting the wild with an arrow strung and ready to fire. Strong, independent, fierce.

But untouchable.

Upon reaching my seat, I hesitated. Was she really not going to look at me at all? When did I decide I wanted her to?

She twitched, ever so slightly. I waited, expecting her to turn and look at me.

Any second now …

Nothing. The moment passed, and I slipped into my seat. This was what I wanted, right? I wanted her to not care about me. I wanted her to see me as nothing more than a classmate, barely even a friend, anything to prove the others wrong.

Right?

Chimes rang and the break began. The question of how to spend it though was one that would be difficult to answer. Should I try to talk to Suzumiya? It was hard to imagine that had been what dragged me out of bed this morning, as we both sat in an awkward silence while everyone else stretched and moved about and began to chat.

"I'm surprised you showed up."

I turned around, suitably surprised. Suzumiya was still looking out the window but she had definitely been the one to speak. I contemplated an answer, not as anxious about being the responder as I had been about being the starter.

"Uh, yeah. I thought it would be best."

_Well, that was stupid_.

She apparently agreed, as she scoffed a little. "You'd be better off at home. There are more potential triggers there for your memory," she said dismissively, but I couldn't help feel there was a touch of concern behind her words.

"You think?" I answered, feeling an inexplicable fluttering sensation in the pit of my stomach.

She didn't respond. I waited, then decided to test the waters.

"Suzumiya?"

This time she turned, half in surprise, half in some other emotion I couldn't quite place. Anger? Annoyance?

"What did you call me?"

Sadness?

"Um, Suzumiya? I'm sorry, should I have said something else?"

She turned back to the window, determinedly staring out. But the stern look soon faded, giving way to a quiet sort of depression.

"No," she answered tonelessly. "Never-mind. I just thought you said something else."

There was a slight pause as I fumbled for the best way of saying what was on my mind. Then, as carefully as possible: "Are you feeling okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Are you—"

"Buddy!" Next thing I knew, I was being shaken by a tall boy with black hair gelled back in an greasy, business man-like style. Standing next to him was a slightly shorter, much younger looking brown haired boy who gave me a concerned but reserved smile. "I can't believe what happened to you! It's like that movie—ah, what was its name? With the miasma thing that took everyone's memories?"

He babbled on and on, not giving me a chance to reply. Eventually, the pair introduced themselves as Taniguchi and Kunikuda, who were apparently my friends. At some point I tried to bring Suzumiya into the conversation, but she had disappeared.

Suzumiya didn't return until the end of break, and even then she refused to speak to me for the rest of the day. What did I do wrong? She said she thought I had said something else. Did she think I had called her by a nickname or her first name? I suppose that would bother someone if they weren't close enough. But she didn't seem the type for a nickname, and it was extremely hard to hear Suzumiya as Haruhi.

Perhaps it was more than that though. To be fair, all she had done is engage in small talk. I went the next step and asked about what was bothering her. That was when she left, I realized as I thought back. That was definitely the behavior of a person who didn't feel comfortable talking to someone.

Suzumiya's voice jolted me out of my thoughts. "Go home."

"What?"

She said it with an extraordinary amount of force for the quiet, low tone of her voice. I was too startled to say anything else.

"We usually have Brigade meetings after school. You don't have to go."

"Are you sure, Suzumiya? I mean, I don't mind. It's a little awkward, yeah, but—"

"No." She stood and picked up her bag in one fluid motion. "Go home. I was planning on telling you to stop coming anyway. You were never really into it."

Why did that feel like such a slap to the face?

She made her way to the door, her back held rigid in a way that proved more effective than any stone wall, and everything in me told me that I should say something right here, right now. It was an immediate sensation that was bizarrely familiar, and it hit me with ferocious intensity. Absolutely everything screamed at me to ignore the discomfort, to ignore her attitude, and say something, anything here. Something to stop her, to keep the conversation going and get her mood up.

In the end, however, I did nothing and she departed from the classroom alone.

* * *

I stared down the hill, my mind not yet up to the task of going down it although, truth be told, my body felt used to it. It has been said that the mind is more important though, and I was certainly feeling the reality of that now. Sure, my body may have remembered this walk perfectly, but for my mind it was like my first day all over again. Besides, while my body was standing on top of the hill, my mind was still back in the classroom, screaming at me to do anything but stand there and let her go.

I forced one leg out, then the other to follow, and eventually some sort of movement resembling a walk was made. No, it was better this way. I had what I wanted, she obviously had what she wanted, and the universe was not my problem. I was just a person in her Brigade, an object to be owned and taken care of but to which one formed no actual sentimental attachments whatsoever. Therefore, the universe was not my problem. It couldn't be.

Somehow, that didn't make me happy though. This had been what I had been hoping for, what had just this morning kept me pedaling faster than my sleep-deprived body had been willing to do otherwise. Yet now, I didn't want it.

At the same time, I still didn't know how I felt about the alternative. Was this the type of person I was? Inconsistent, indecisive? No wonder Suzumiya didn't care for me.

"Did things not go well?" An oddly serious Koizumi had snuck up behind me and I jumped, startled. Collecting myself, I turned to face him and noticed Nagato and Asahina behind him as well. Was it that obvious?

"Miss Suzumiya didn't show up for the club meeting today." Asahina, of course. Well, at least they hadn't picked it up from me.

"This was only the first of many clues, however," Koizumi said as he walked forward, his eyes on his cell phone as he held it in front of him. "An enormous patch of closed space has erupted near the school, and is expanding at a previously unheard of rate." He stopped, suddenly, and turned to face Nagato and Asahina.

"An entrance is here, in fact."

I thought of Haruhi's attitude as she left the school, her back tense and angry. I didn't doubt his words, if the place really was created when she was in a bad mood. "I'm sorry?"

He ignored me. "Suzumiya should have been relieved to see you today, yet it seems to be the opposite."

He came uncomfortably close. Did he really believe that stupid cliché about lies and eyes? Was that why he was so intently focused on my pupils?

"So, excuse me for asking, but did things not go well?"

"I don't know. She barely talked to me." Oh well. Even if the cliché was true, he wouldn't be able to take anything out of that. It was the truth. Besides: "Shouldn't you be going into closed spaced to help your friends?"

I tried to step around him but he grabbed my wrist.

"What the hell?!"

He smiled and let go, hands high. "Relax. I just need to know if that was it."

"Why would I lie?"

"I didn't say you were lying."

Asahina, perhaps seeing that Koizumi's approach wasn't really working, stepped in. "Kyon, you have to understand. Miss Suzumiya isn't the type … well, she is the type, but there must have been something that happened beforehand for her to act that way."

"Just seemed like a temper tantrum to me."

"And you're right to think so! However, Miss Suzumiya's actions are like that. If you remembered, you'd understand. She may seem unpredictable, but there are reasons behind everything she does."

This caught my attention. Where had I heard that before? _Miss Asahina, sitting on a bench, looking adorable as always. She stammers over words, explaining to me the unthinkable. Time travel, all because of Haruhi_.

I grimaced slightly as a slight wave of nausea passed through me, then left as quickly as it had come. Weird.

"Asahina is correct. So again, was there anything at all?"

I thought back. Was there? Had there been something, some small sign?

_. . . I waited, expecting her to turn and look at me. Any second now . . ._

"Nothing. I don't know, it's not my problem." After all, that could hardly count. I would have done the same if some person were looming over me expectantly like that.

Koizumi sighed. "Well, if you haven't accepted your importance to Suzumiya yet, I can see—"

"You're wrong." I turned around, ready to leave. However, they'd follow me if I left it at that, so I continued, "She doesn't care about me. In fact, she was going to kick me out of her little Brigade."

With that I walked off. I briefly wondered if Koizumi would decide to stop me again, but perhaps he sensed that this time I'd be ready to fight him off. It's too bad, really. I would have liked to hit somebody.

* * *

_Many thanks to my beta, Audley! She worked on this despite feeling quite ill. Now THAT'S dedication!_

_This one marks the transition from exposition to plot. Hopefully I hint enough that you all are curious or thinking, and don't just seem confusing, or worse, obvious._

_Also: series two of Haruhi. Look for news sometime tomorrow, thanks to the time difference between here and Japan. Isn't it just so exciting?!_

_Until we meet again._


	7. Chapter 6

_Chapter Six._

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* * *

  
_

"Hello."

I jumped. Having been intently staring at nothing but the general area of my bike, far down at the bottom of the hill, it was only natural that Nagato's words startled me.

I turned to see the girl, not even remotely out of breath, at my side. I would have asked how, but this was the same girl who bended space and time just for a chat, so instead I wondered for how long she had been there without my noticing. For her to have used such a casual bit of conversation, it must have been quite a while.

"Hey."

I continued walking, Nagato easily meeting my pace. We walked in silence for a few moments, me waiting for her to offer her side of the story, she waiting for … something. For me to initiate the conversation?

Well, I could do that, if it would end this. "Is this about Suzumiya?"

She nodded.

I asked, "Do you think something happened today too?"

Another nod. I tried again.

"Let me guess. There was an explosion of date in the location of our school during the day, the cause decidedly being Haruhi Suzumiya?"

"You are upset," she answered simply, and I turned back to her in surprise, nearly tripping myself in the process.

"Excuse me?"

"You are upset. Therefore, something must have occurred between you and Haruhi Suzumiya."

I hadn't expected that, especially from her. Maybe from Asahina, but not this girl-alien-robot-girl. I hadn't thought she cared about emotions.

Feeling unsettled, I muttered, "I'm fine."

"You are not." I could feel her watching me now, and I stopped to meet her gaze. Her dark eyes hid any sort of emotion behind a serious but cold onyx lacquer, but in her sudden blink, I felt she was concerned about me.

"... It's nothing." With that, I turned to leave again, only to be stopped by her sudden presence in my path. I had barely seen her move.

She said, firmly and quickly, "You were correct in your previous assumption. Haruhi Suzumiya has caused an explosion of data previously unrecorded by the Data Integration Thought Entity. I am also correct. You are upset. Given past events involving Haruhi Suzumiya's abilities, the two must therefore be connected."

I blinked. Slowly, I said, "She didn't really talk to me much."

"She did initiate a conversation," she immediately responded. I really had to give her credit for so quickly picking up on things like that.

"Just a small one."

"What was the subject?"

I sighed, and ambled over to a nearby railing alone, leaving Nagato standing on the sidewalk alone. Settling down, I answered, "Nothing. She was surprised I came to school. She seemed a little down, so I asked her what was wrong. Then some classmates showed up and she left."

"Why?"

"What do you mean?"

I watched as she hesitated, then came to stand next to me. "You stated that she left. Why did she leave?"

I didn't answer. There wasn't really anything to say to that. I really didn't know why Haruhi had left so abruptly. I had assumed it had been something I said, but then why hadn't she left right away? Asahina said there was a reason behind everything Suzumiya has ever done. Then why did she leave at all?

But before I could think of a suitable answer, I was distracted by the sudden appearance of Derrick and a girl I didn't recognize behind Nagato. She was tall, with long black hair, and she had a conscientious smile that seemed very pleasant, yet sent a chill down my spine.

"_So I'll kill you now," she finishes, in a 'matter of fact' way, as if it was the logical next step to this line of thought and, a blade in hand, she flies towards me. _

Confused, I blinked and shook my head.

"Hello, Kyon," Derrick said congenially, almost making me feel like I could truly believe him, even though I knew I shouldn't. It helped that it suddenly seemed menacing with that girl standing next to him. Why? _She doesn't look like her, with her abnormal bluish hair, so neat and well-groomed, but the smile is hers, that sickly sweet, needle-in-the-chocolate smile, the smile that asks, "Do you really not want to die?" like a child who is struggling to understand her parent's admonishment not to play in the mud._

Nagato stepped in front of me protectively, but she was a blur before my eyes. _She's just a small girl, yet her back is straight, solid, and strong. It says, "Back off. Don't mess with me. I am built for this, and I will protect and defend."_

All of a sudden, I felt dizzy, as if I had been disconnected from my body.

Derrick smiled and I heard his voice, as if from far away. "Don't trust me, eh, Nagato? I'm just a friend of Koizumi's and the kid's. If I hadn't heard so much about you, I'd likely be offended."

Nagato, for her part, didn't seem to be abashed in the least. "My concern lies in her."

He snorted. "What, Belinda here? She's a right old chick."

The girl—Belinda—waved. "I've heard so much about you, Nagato. Please, don't fear me. I merely wanted to thank your friend over there." _She stalked_—walked, she walked, that's all, I needed to stop with this talk before this wrenching sensation in my stomach made me sick—closer, but Nagato thankfully refused to move except to block her from view.

Belinda continued, "After all, he's done more than we could ever hope. But surely you've sensed it by now? The explosion?"

What?

"Unfortunately," Derrick took over, "It's gone a bit too far. The shit's gone and hit the fan, and the universe is in a fair bit of danger. I'm afraid we don't have much in the way of options."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw green shrubs become nothingness. I started to turn my head to get a better view, but then the whole world became a bleak, gray dessert. The railing beneath me disappeared and I collapsed onto the ground.

Absently, my mind noticed that Nagato was gone too.

I started to rise, then realized I couldn't. My legs didn't want to support me for some reason. That was odd.

'_I should have done this in the first place,' she says with a smile and motion is stolen away from me as I see my body, feel it, but cannot move it._

However that was not the case here. I tried again and my legs buckled underneath me, as I began to retch onto dirt and sand.

"Looks like the shift was too much for Suzumiya's little toy, Belinda," a male voice said too close to my ear. _Too close, back off, you're in my face, are my thoughts as I feel his breath on my neck, smell the taint of coffee on it but I don't flinch and I don't back away._

That was then however, only in the images that keep grabbing at my mind, as I did both now. I wiped my mouth and croaked, "I'm not her toy."

Derrick laughed, far too hard, and when he spoke next he seemed out of breath. "Oh, but you are! Otherwise she wouldn't be having such a little temper tantrum right now."

Right. The closed space. But then, why were they after me?

Apparently, I had asked something to this effect aloud, as Belinda chimed in, that same polite little grin on her face that had sent my lunch on an outbound flight.

"It's not so much that we're after you, Kyon. In fact, we owe the world to you." _Her hands raise, turn into shining scythes, and all I can do is stare at the blade that couldn't really be there, the blade that will kill me regardless._

No. That's what was happening now. _And then_. Or not at all? Nagato fell into the world with a sudden flash of light, landing with one arm up to fight, the other pushing me back forcefully as Belinda continued.

_Koizumi said, "Aliens, time travelers, espers—those so far are the three you've seen, and the three that have made themselves known although there are chances of others."_

"You've accomplished everything we hoped. Unfortunately, you've also accomplished a bit of what we feared. It's not your fault, really, it was a risk we knew existed. It's why we never really attemped to put our plans into motion - well, except for that one case."

"_They are all observing Haruhi Suzumiya's actions for their own reasons, but alas there are voices of dissension amongst at least two of these groups."_

"Yes. This is nothing personal, Kyon," Derrick asserted hazily. Or was that merely my hearing? "Simply a bit of damage control to contain the leak."

"_I know for a fact there are some espers who wish to take a more, ah, "direct" approach to the matter. I believe the same goes for Nagato and Asahina's respective organizations as well_."

Belinda was flying now, and someone's voice said lightly, "Prepare to die". Or perhaps it was Belinda herself. The moment was lost as Nagato jumped to avoid the slice and threw me aside to avoid a red flaming orb that launched out of Derrick's hands.

"_Is this the right day?" She nods in reply. "Were you waiting here last night too?" She nods again._

"_It is not easily conveyed in words. There may be discrepancies in the transmission of data,"Nagato says in a nearly empty room._

Nagato kicked Belinda thirty feet into the air, only to spin around so as to avoid a steady barrage of fire from Derrick's hands. She back-flipped, arms whipping out in impossible ways to strike her opponents like lightning, even as she continued to avoid their attacks. Considering her size, Nagato was an incredible fighter. The fact that she managed to fend them off and still get in a few shots was phenomenal.

_However._

It was still two against one, and Belinda was incredibly skilled._ So is Asakura, but not as much. You can see it in the ease Nagato lays the final blow, having only been toying with her in this little duel, waiting for planes to shift._

_Asakura, breaking apart: "What a pity! I suppose I was only ever back up after all."_

_Nagato, bloody and impaled: "I am fine."_

Nagato's words broke into the memory: "Run."

I looked up, confused. She was standing in front of me, one arm outstretched in the creation of a force field. _Technicolor, glowing, the stream of attacks deflected easily but the vibrations run through me and I jump._

"What?" I asked finally, weakly.

"A breach in this space has been created within 700 meters of this point. You must escape."

"What about you?"

"I am fine."

Was that my mind or her voice? Imagined, remembered, or happening?

Belinda somersaulted above me, throwing her own energy with incredible speed at the force field. Nagato dropped it, arms zizagging and releasing what looked like a continuous stream of icicles, ignoring the others' hits, not even flinching as skin cracked and blood splattered. _It hits me on the face in an x, as her body hangs limp, held up only by spears of light, and all I can do is watch, frozen from horror and a strange sort of awe._

Nagato, as if she were merely sitting next to me in the clubroom and not defending my sorry ass from an alien and an esper, said, "The data explosion attributed to Haruhi Suzumiya is becoming alarming. These two consider elimination the most productive course of action." She shut her eyes and _her mouth moves at impossible speeds, I can't even begin to understand what she is saying but it's like a spell, instant and magical_.

Belinda and Derrick suddenly changed course, moving the opposite way. Nagato turned to me, and picking me up with ease, explained, "I have copied our data to create alternate versions of ourselves within this time-space. Belinda Pope will eventually be able to break down the data and register the false signature. You must go. The breach should appear as an opening in the air."

_It reads: "Collect the data. Gather the keys"._

She's concerned about me.

I grabbed her hand, pulling her along with what little strength I had. "Then you're going with me."

The intensity in my voice took both her and me by surprise. She blinked, an expression I felt I knew reasonably well. I recognized it instantly, the tiny flicker that only I, of the entire Brigade, could really see.

She matched my pace, then easily surpassed it, leading the way. "You have regained your memory."

Had I? I remembered Nagato almost completely, in a way, but what about the others?

… _Koizumi leans, far too close for comfort and I speak my mind, assuring him that my secret will remain my own and that it wasn't for him to know … what secret?_

… _A teacup appears in front of me along with a ravishing Miss Asahina, dressed in that maid costume that … she bought? No. Who bought the costume?_

_Miss Asahina ezplains: "Think of it as animation. . ."_

_Koizumi whispers: "Back to the subject. . ."_

_Big Asahina pouts: "You're the one who told me about it, Kyon. . ."_

"_An added picture in one of those flip-books"— "Oh!" she realizes and clams up— his face is really way too close to mine, it really, really is, and it's not going to help him find out what happened between me and— _

Who bought the costume?

Nagato launched us into a hole in the air, a bright, gaping maw that would have blinded my vision had it not already been consumed by the darkness of my crashing mind.

* * *

_Ouch. Cliffhanger. Surprisingly the first real evil one I've pulled so far._

_The direction I embark on now is an interesting one that wasn't technically part of my original planning. However, writing according to my original plan, I felt like I was glossing over something so important as the return of his memory in favor of the greater situation. Thus, this chapter and the subsequent chapter come from an idea that I had for this, but didn't initially want to do in case it drew out the story too much. After some thought, I'm generally satisfied with the decision and have even worked out how to best compromise it with what still needs to be done, so it all works out._

_Props to my beta, Audley, whom I admire greatly and who valiantly overcomes her inherent laziness just for me. Many thanks. Credit her with the name Belinda Pope too. The character originally had a lesser surname, which she then changed to reference the writer Alexander Pope, who was the first to use Belinda in a poem as a name in his "The Rape of the Lock"._

_Until we meet again._


	8. Chapter 7

_NOTE: This chapter alludes to various parts of the novels and anime. There is minor spoiling mainly for episode 6 (chronological) and 14 (broadcast) but nothing one would even really notice without having known about it."Bamboo Leaf Rhapsody" and _The Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya _(book four) are slightly more spoiled, but again, without having read it, the most it will be is a tad confusing_.

_Chapter Seven._

_

* * *

  
_

I woke up at a park. At least, it looked like it was a park. What was bothering me though was _how_ I had gotten here; I couldn't even begin to figure it out. Had Nagato brought me here? No, why would she? Had Derrick and Belinda found us and defeated her – meaning they had killed me just as they wanted to? Was this heaven, then?

It was now that I noticed I wasn't alone. A boy was playing in a seemingly endless sandbox in front of me. He was young. His small build and the cutesy clothing that only a mother could have picked out placed him at about five years old or so, which seemed odd considering how very intently and quietly he was working, drawing lines in the extraordinarily large sandbox. At first sight, they seemed like random doodles – zig-zags and circles and other simple shapes – but eventually I came to see an Aztec influence of sorts in the creation, and I couldn't help but wonder what sort of five year old knew about things like that.

I turned around. There had to be a parent somewhere. Five year old boys didn't get left in large parks all by themselves, after all. I found myself disappointed however, as I saw nothing in immediate sight. I looked farther, expecting to see an old man or a reading mother on a park bench, far enough away to make the child feel independent but close enough to watch out in case –

I nearly yelped in surprise. There was nothing there. The scenery of the park—green grass, bright blue sky, shining sun—faded when only a few yards away, then became a blank, white emptiness. It was like I was in an unfinished painting, staring at the blank edges of the canvas around me.

Where the hell was I?

A female voice was calling out an unfamiliar name and the little boy turned around in response. I did as well, curious, and suddenly the park was complete, with trees, black iron fences, benches, and crepe carts. There was a young woman there, looking twenty-something and heavily pregnant. She didn't seem like she had just materialized from thin air, but rather as if she had been there the entire time. "I'm going over there to talk to Miss Nakagawa." She was pointing in the opposite direction, and I turned immediately to beat the boy to it, suddenly struck with an idea. If I was right …

There was nothing but white for a moment. Then, like a speed painting, colors exploded before my eyes, forming more trees, teenagers on bicycles, and another woman roughly around the other's age. I turned back to the boy, and just as I thought, his eyes were wandering in this direction. He then was turning back to the first woman—most likely his mother—and I looked for the bicycles again but they had already been swallowed by white. I was right. This place, whatever it was, was being limited by the boy. Whatever he was seeing was there ,and what he wasn't seeing simply failed to exist. But how?

"Be good, okay?" the mother continued, and I turned again to get a good look at her. She had long brown hair, messily braided, and a calm but strong sort of face. Suddenly, I knew that I had seen that face before, although not like this. The one I had seen was older, worn weary with life and age and children; it was the first face I had seen this morning, creased and furrowed with worry as I got dressed.

_My mother? But then_ …

The boy squeaked an "okay" and turned back to his work. Dread gnawing at my stomach, I stepped into the box and started walking. I stopped in front of him and crouched down, looking him in the face. The features were blurred, more of a Monet blend of colors than a face, but I knew what it looked like. I knew who he was—who he had to be.

He was me. This world was limited by what the boy saw—by what I remembered. And you can't see yourself. After all, you can't see what you're not looking at.

So, I was in a memory. But why? I remembered images burning my mind, scalding my nerves, back in the time-space Belinda had created, but this was nothing like that. What had changed? Had I learned how to control it somehow?

I decided to test the theory. _Get me out of here, _I thought, my eyes firmly shut. _Wake up, go into a dream, anything. Nagato's probably bleeding on a sidewalk somewhere and I REALLY don't want to be here right now._

Nothing.

_There's no place like home; there's no place like home; there's no place like home._

Yeah, I hadn't really expected that to work anyway. The shock must have been getting to me. It seemed I was stuck here, for whatever reason. Was this how I was supposed to remember everything? That couldn't be normal. _Unless: _Koizumi had been right and this amnesia had been forced by an outside presence. If that were true, then this inner dimension of sorts was a reflection of that unknown power. The important question now was who was responsible for this. I felt very certain that if he had been correct about wayward espers and aliens, I would not have been attacked as I was. They would have just done this in the first place._ Not that it's really helping me out now._

I sat down, sick of crouching, and watched the boy—myself—work. Why didn't this feel real? Sure, logically, this twig of a kid was me. So why wasn't I feeling anything? Why wasn't it familiar to me? Why did my own memories still feel like someone else's painting?

"Done," little me said, startling me out of my thoughts, and stood, grinning triumphantly at the designs.

A voice from behind said, "What is it?"

I tumbled forward as the world suddenly tore in half. I could see it, the sky tearing like paper, revealing the black abyss underneath. Little me was apparently oblivious, as he began to say, hesitating only for an instant, "It's for the aliens. It says, 'Come find me— "

"_I am here."_

I turned as quickly as I could to face the—girl?—behind me but the memory was gone. 

* * *

Now there were fish, swimming in a blue sea behind thick glass. I turned to see a slightly older but still little me, perhaps around 12 or 13, with his face pressed up against the glass. The buzz of conversation was excited, although the harder I listened the more it sounded like actual buzzing than talk. I guess the older little me wasn't really paying much attention. It was probably a field trip at an aquarium or zoo.

My eyes wandered to take in what I could of the place, and as I turned around I could see the blurred out uniforms from a few other junior highs other than my own. I also noticed how much more complete it was than the park had been, probably because an adolescent has a larger attention span and more awareness of what was going on around him. The hall was still fairly empty, or at the very least emptier than the noise suggested. The only people here at all in fact was older little me, a few kids here and there, and—

"But don't you have anything more exciting in this place? A Japanese relative of the Loch Ness Monster? Leviathan's bones? Anything like that?"

—and her. _Her?_

Older little me and I both turned in excitement, but I wasn't able to find out if he remembered her face.

-_-------------------------------------------------------rip--------------------------------------------------------_

Me from a year ago, if I had to guess, taking his entrance exams. He was sitting next to a girl with glasses whose features he apparently never even glanced at, if the fact that her face was completely blank was anything to go by. She was more a girl-shaped blend of colors than a person, although a familiar enough blend. Strangely, I held no feelings of guilt. Was that odd? The only thing that ever really got me feeling anything in these memories was—

The girl walked in front of the two of us angrily, her hair long and held back in a yellow ponytail, her posture practically shouting that she wanted to be left alone while her eyes were begging for attention.

_--------------------------------------------------------rip--------------------------------------------------------_

A more recent me, from this school year as I determined from the uniform. The beginning of this school year, I discovered as he was standing up and making a speech in front of the class. It was the usual introductory sort of thing, but it was making him nervous enough that he almost didn't notice when she stood

-_-------------------------------------------------------rip--------------------------------------------------------_

Same me, with Nagato standing in front of him. She has changed a lot from this time. Not physically—it was in the way she robotically, not caring for how I take the news, told me that she's here to study

_--------------------------------------------------------rip--------------------------------------------------------_

Same me, this time with Miss Asahina. She cutely explained about time travel, then how, miraculously, such a thing could be interfered with by someone like

_--------------------------------------------------------rip--------------------------------------------------------_

Same me, and now it was Koizumi's turn. He was holding my hand. Why? I guess it was just one of those things he did. That was how took me into closed space again, made me realize again the dangers of

_--------------------------------------------------------rip--------------------------------------------------------_

Same me, waking up in closed space. At my side I can see, just barely

_--------------------------------------------------------rip--------------------------------------------------------_

Slightly older same me. I smirked, just a bit, at the designs being drawn on the grass, all at the request of a yelling

-_-------------------------------------------------------rip--------------------------------------------------------_

Just a tad older than the last me. He was screaming, yelling, all but frothing at the mouth and before I even heard him clarify I knew it was because the thing he couldn't find was

_--------------------------------------------------------rip--------------------------------------------------------_

A me a year or so younger than the one in the last few memories was standing before me, head down and eerily quiet. I was in my room, which, looking around, looked very different than it did in the present. Wall scrolls of sci-fi anime, shows, and movies adorned the walls, and I was particularly interested by a glass box containing a chunk of "genuine UFO metal from Roswell". The younger me was taking it now, tossing it up in the air almost carelessly but snatching it back just as quickly like he was afraid to damage it. He stumbled over to the bed, but dropped to the floor in front of it, his back leaning on the foot of the bed rather than lying on the mattress. His eyes were locked on the metal the entire time.

Then he was throwing it with a half-strangled yell, and it came within an inch of hitting me. "Stupid," he was muttering. "Stupid, stupid, stupid," but I hardly noticed as he curled in on himself, as absorbed as I was in my own thoughts. These posters weren't in my room in the present, and I knew I didn't go around leaving messages for paranormal beings, even though all I had to do was pick up a phone. Was this the day where that had changed? When I went from someone who believed to someone who refused to?

Suddenly, I realized what I was missing, but as younger me calmly got up and began tearing the posters off the walls, the memory fell to darkness.

_-------------------------------------------------------rip---------------------------------------------------------_

Where was I now? When was I? This memory was already tearing at the seams, being far too wrapped up in her to even have a chance, and all I was able to see was a sitting figure and two shadows in the distant, one tall, the other short, both very, very familiar and only confirmed by a high-pitched yelp

-_------------------------------------------------------rip---------------------------------------------------------_

Like an artist discontent with her own work, the memories flashing before me now ripped to pieces before they even started. With each one, I watched her work, unable to do anything else, but she was her own worst enemy. Despite all her efforts, I did remember. And with an extra burst of clarity, I knew what I had to do next.

Now I understood the importance of Haruhi Suzumiya.

My eyes opened to darkness, my first clue that something was different. Had the memories merely stopped, though, finally held off by the hands trying so desperately to keep them at bay, or was I really awake this time? Had she succeeded or had I?

Slowly, my eyes adjusted and I realized it was the latter as I saw Koizumi's surprisingly grim face staring over me, his face lit only by the moonlight shining in through the window. It was only a second, however, until it was replaced by a weary, relieved smile, and I had to look away. I appeared to be in the clubroom, lying on the table if the hard surface under me was any indication. This had the potential to be bad. How long had I been out for? My eyes went to a small digital clock nearby. Nearly nine o'clock. Not too bad, but certainly not what I would have preferred either. My mother was probably worried sick by now.

I moved to get up, but Itsuki put a hand on my chest, preventing me from moving further. "Don't. I'm afraid you sustained some injuries when you returned to our world. Asahina and I tried to catch you, but we didn't know precisely where Nagato was going to create an opening. It was a rather messy landing."

Nagato! How could I have forgotten?

"Where is she? Is she all right?"

"Of course. She's outside in the hallway with Asahina. You were bleeding again, although the wounds aren't too deep. I'm certain you'll be fine now, however."

Bleeding? I looked down at my legs, aware of a tight wrapped sensation on my knees and upper left thigh, but saw only torn, dirty pants. Wait, what?

"Koizumi, did you—"

"You shouldn't be feeling any pain," he replied, ignoring me. "Nagato's people have some interesting medicinal approaches. Speaking of, I should probably go let the other two in, and I suppose we can even turn on the lights now that you're awake."

He got up, and taking advantage of the fact that his hand was no longer holding me down (just how long did he have to leave it on my chest, anyway?), I did the same and sat down on the table's edge across from the door. He was right; I felt no pain at all, which was remarkable if my injuries were bad enough to bleed through multiple layers of bandages as Koizumi had implied. Nagato really was infinitely useful.

"Oh, and Kyon?"

I turned and looked at Koizumi, who was poised to open the door and resolutely looking in the other direction.

"I apologize. I can't help but feel it was partly my own fault."

Before I could respond, he opened the door and I heard a loud, squeaky, "Kyon!", followed by Miss Asahina's warm body pressing against mine in a beautiful and welcome display of affection. Over her shoulder, I spotted Nagato coming in as well and I could have sworn I saw a hint of relief on her face, but just then the lights came on. I blinked and the look was gone.

"We were so worried!" Miss Asahina sobbed into my shoulder. "We – we thought that maybe … oh, Kyon!"

"It's all right. I'm fine now." I tried to insert every ounce of comfort I could into my words as I gently pushed her into a chair and patted her on the back.

"Yes—but—Miss Suzumiya! Oh, it's hopeless now!"

My stomach clenched. "What happened?"

Itsuki's smile turned bitter. "She's gone. Suzumiya has given up on this world and gone into closed space. Once it's increased enough in size, this world will disappear entirely."

"Can't we fix it?"

Nagato blinked, and answered, "Without your presence, there is no way of convincing Haruhi Suzumiya to change her objective. Contacting her is useless. The Data Integration Thought Entity has already admitted defeat and issued an order for all interfaces to return."

I paused before saying anything, and gave Nagato a quick look-over. Maybe I had imagined it, that slight stress on the 'without', as if she already knew precisely what I was thinking. So, rather than ask, I smiled. "But you're still here. You're all still here."

There was a silence for a moment, until Miss Asahina finally spoke, "Well, yes, we were commanded to go back, but we couldn't leave you, Kyon. Now that you're awake, I don't know what we'll do, but … "

She trailed off as Itsuki interrupted.

"We might as well stay. It's Armageddon no matter where we go, after all, and frankly I can't say there is anywhere I would rather be than here."

"Yeah," I muttered. "But who says this has to be Armageddon?" The members of the SOS Brigade turned to me, clearly confused (although all Nagato did was blink once, a confirmation that she did indeed know), as I took Miss Asahina by the shoulders. "You're still here, which means you didn't give back the machine, the TPDD yet, right? You can still time travel, I mean?"

Her face, briefly lit up in pleasure that I really had regained my memory, darkened in confusion again. "Yes, I do still have it—but I don't see how it can help."

"It can if it can take me back to when I lost my memory. Fifteen minutes before, actually, should be plenty of time."

"What?"

I turned to Koizumi. "You said that Suzumiya had been worried about me when you first found me on the roof. Did she say how long I had been gone for at all?"

"Since lunch."

"Right. So make that the start of lunch break the day I lost my memory, Miss Asahina."

Her eyes widened. "But—Kyon, what if you see yourself?"

"I think I was supposed to see myself. Or, a shadow anyway. Ask your superiors."

She shook her head. "Kyon, they won't let us. I'm not even supposed to be on this time plane anymore."

"Please?"

She whimpered, but put one hand to her head, and it took only seconds for that hand to jump back and her eyes widen again. "They—they said yes! But why?"

"Who knows?"

I slid off the table and stood. My legs felt stable enough, but it was best to ask: "Nagato, will this anesthetic or whatever you've given me wear off anytime soon?"

"It should not." She said, her voice not changing in the slightest, but I could tell she wasn't entirely sure of it.

Koizumi grinned his usual smug grin. "I have a basic idea, but what exactly are you planning?"

_Sorry, Koizumi. You'll just have to live with not knowing. _After all, I was already closing my eyes and Miss Asahina had a delightfully tight grip on my hand as a pleasantly familiar although far from pleasant in actuality feeling of being wrenched from one time plane to another flooded my system.

We arrived on top of the school roof, only a few short feet away from the location I had seen the shadows from. I could see the me of three days ago down below on the lower area of the roof, walking up to a very still, very stern Suzumiya. _Just in time. _That same cold breeze was in the air, chilling my upper body. My legs, through some wonderful act of fortune, were completely protected by whatever Nagato had used to dull the pain, although poor Miss Asahina was shivering in her uniform.

"Um, are you sure about this, Kyon?"

I looked at her, then at the scene below, as the me of three days ago casually asked, "Why did you come up here, Haruhi?"

Haruhi.

_I called her Haruhi._

I looked back at Miss Asahina.

"Yeah, I'm sure."

* * *

_Now, I always thank my beta, but this time, I dedicate this entire chapter to her. I was having a ridiculously large case of writer's block. Nothing was going well, my writing was abominable, and I was completely failing to correctly show Kyon's memories in an exciting, non-exposition heavy way. Then, she made one simple suggestion, and it was as if my muse was hit by a sudden wave of mojo that instantly sobered her up and sent her to rehab for her alcoholic ways, and thus you see this chapter before you._

_So, thank you, Audley. You're more valuable than you can ever fully comprehend._

_We're nearing the end now. Until we meet again._


	9. Chapter 8

_Chapter 8._

_

* * *

  
_

"Why did you come up here, Haruhi?" I heard the other me say.

Her face when I had called her Suzumiya flashed through my mind. So I had called her by the wrong name after all. Just not in any way I had imagined.

I forced myself to look back to the scene playing out beneath us. Suzumiya was sitting cross-legged on the school roof, looking very much like a stiff, unsociable cat. Her lunch, barely even nibbled at, lay next to her on the tiles and the me of three days ago carefully stopped short of it, just out of her peripheral vision. I didn't need to remember this to know why. I knew better than to mess with an irritable cat.

"None of your business, Kyon," Suzumiya said quietly, not even a touch of anger in her voice. I leaned in closer, not wanting to miss anything, but a terrified Miss Asahina yanked me back.

"What are you doing? You'll see yourself!"

"Oh right. That's bad."

"Kyon!" she whimpered, her eyes darting back to the other me below us. He was looking over in our direction, confusion clearly written on his face. "Oh, no! He already saw us!"

"Don't worry about it; he only spotted our shadows."

"How do you know?"

"I saw it in the memory."

Miss Asahina stared at me, but before she could ask what I meant I turned back to see what Suzumiya and the me of three days ago were doing. Perhaps not wanting to read too much into the fact that two very familiar outlines of people who shouldn't have been on the roof were on the roof, the other Kyon had turned to face the same direction as Suzumiya.

Finally, he muttered, "All right then."

Suzumiya stirred slightly. "Say, Kyon, about earlier. . ."

"What about it?" he replied. Vague bastard.

She stiffened immediately. "Never mind."

"What?"

"I said never mind! It was stupid anyway."

The pair stood in silence for a while, as the me of three days ago became extraordinarily interested in his feet. Finally, he chanced a comment: "It's cold."

"I don't care."

"Are you just going to stay out here all day?"

"No."

"Then come on."

Suzumiya turned to look at him. "Do you want me to come in?"

A pause. "Doesn't really matter to me."

Silence. "I see," she said, and turned away. "Kyon, why are you in the Brigade?"

"Why are you asking?"

"I'm doing a Brigade Chief evaluation. Just answer the question."

"I don't know. It's not like I have a choice, right?

She gathered her things and stood, staring at the barely-eaten lunch in her hands. "I could just ban you from the club."

The other me hesitated, eyeing her warily. I could imagine what he was thinking. _Like she ever would_. He had no idea she would do just that the very next day, so all he said was, "I guess."

"But then again, it wouldn't matter to your idiot friends, right? They'd just think you'd had a fight with me and I got angry."

The other me continued to be a useless tool. "Haruhi—"

"It's too bad you can't time travel. Then you could just make sure it never happened in the first place. But an opportunity as fun as that would just be a waste on you. You'd probably complain the whole time."

This was the time where the other me, who must have some sort of clue as to what she was talking about, should have said something. I was waiting for him to say something, because he had to, right? He wouldn't just leave it like that, I wouldn't just leave it like that, let her walk away looking like that …

Except I knew I would, and I did.

I watched as Suzumiya stalked away from the other me, not even turning around as she said, "I'm going inside now." In seconds she was gone. There was no way she could have noticed it. The door was already swinging shut behind her when the me of three days ago suddenly and silently collapsed on the school rooftop.

"Oh, Kyon!" I jumped. I had almost forgotten Miss Asahina was there.

I turned to her. She was looking at me, her brow furrowed in concern.

"It's okay, I'm fine. Really!"

"But, I don't understand. If you falling means you lost your memories then—"

"It was her. I just don't know why."

I jumped down onto the student's open roof and steadied Miss Asahina as she clambered down after me.

"It can't be though! Miss Suzumiya was the most upset of us when we found you. Why would she have done it?"

"I don't think it was a conscious decision. For some reason, she wanted me to forget her—everything else was just a side effect." I said casually, holding the door open for her. Miss Asahina glanced at me, the look in her eyes making it clear she didn't believe me. I shrugged and started walking down the stairs, avoiding her gaze.

"For some reason." _Yeah, right._ We didn't have to know the reason to guess whose fault it was.

We walked down the stairs in silence, each lost in our own respective thoughts. I was halfway through the door into the hallway when I realized she wasn't behind me any longer.

"Miss Asahina?"

I saw nothing at first, then finally spotted her hiding against the wall.

"Kyon, you'll have to go on without me! You won't get spotted, but I don't know if I might end up coming across the me in this time plane."

'Wouldn't you remember meeting yourself?"

"That's not how this works!"

_Could have fooled me_. "All right, stay here. I'll come find you."

"But what are you going to do?"

_Crap_. I had been hoping she wouldn't ask that. "I don't know."

She whimpered. "Kyon! You can't just meddle in time! Anything we do here could change the future in ways we can't even imagine."

"Unless we were supposed to do it and we don't, in which case we're in trouble. Right?"

She nodded. You really have to love time travel. I sighed, then reentered the stairwell, making sure the door was firmly shut behind me.

"What—what are you doing?" Miss Asahina was staring wide-eyed at me in astonishment, as I came and sat next to her.

"Didn't you just say I can't just go messing around in time?"

She ducked her head in shame. Quietly, she said, "I didn't mean it like that."

I didn't answer for a second, which she apparently took as a sign for her to explain.

"I'm just afraid, Kyon. I'm not really comfortable with time travel yet. It's really pure luck that someone so inexperienced and unimportant like me came to observe Miss Suzumiya anyway. I was just trying to warn you." She turned back to me, eyes threatening to tear but determinedly set against it. "I trust you, Kyon! If anyone knows Miss Suzumiya, it's you."

Two thoughts passed through my mind then. The first was that in all the time I had known Miss Asahina, I had never, ever seen her so beautiful. She's grown so much, in ways I'd only guessed from her older self.

The second came as a bit of surprise, in the way it hit me more strongly than the first, a mix of surprise, pleasure, and even, as embarrassing as it was to admit, a little longing. It also came back to me again, as I said goodbye with the promise to return, and left to find the only person who could get me out of this mess.

For a second there, Miss Asahina, I could have sworn your eyes looked like Suzumiya's.

* * *

I had forgotten a couple of things when I left Miss Asahina to find Suzumiya, floating on the words of her encouragement. One was that I still had no idea precisely what I was supposed to say to her. That was slightly problematic, but as I walked through the halls, I figured I could wing it when it came right down to it. The second was a bit more troubling.

How exactly was I going to find her?

Theoretically speaking, I could just ask someone, but Miss Asahina's words were ringing through my head. I still wasn't really sure I believed in the danger; all of my other little excursions through time seemed to be things I was supposed to do already. Despite that, I suddenly felt unwilling to test my theory. If Miss Asahina, who grew up in a future where time travel was the norm, didn't feel comfortable with it, was I really in any position to potentially go messing around with it?

I turned a corner, wondering if I should head to the roof and scan the campus, when I saw Nagato, coming out of her classroom. Wait. If I thought back, she seemed to have known exactly what I was going to do back in the clubroom. Did that mean …

She stopped in front of me and waited, her own version of "Hello".

"Hey."

She didn't say anything else, nor did she make any sign that she noticed anything different about me, like a time signature or something. My gut told me that it was worth a shot though, and so, I asked, " I can't really explain right now, but do you know where Suzumiya went off to?"

She blinked at the 'Suzumiya,' but said nothing about it. She seemed to think it over a bit, then replied, "Courtyard."

"Thanks." I did a small little half wave, then started to walk off, but found myself stopping again. "Say, Nagato?"

She turned to face me.

"If Suzumiya were to, uh …" How much should I say? I trusted Nagato's judgment completely, but would she want me to say anything to her past self? "Well, when Suzumiya almost destroyed the world last spring, you wouldn't happen to know what I did?"

I did it again. Why was it so hard to say "Haruhi"?

She took this in, mulling it over in that Nagato way of pausing and staring, and I was surprised to hear her response. "I am not authorized to say."

"Oh." What did that mean? Had Suzumiya told her? It was hard to think of her spewing secrets at a slumber party, much less Nagato hearing them.

"Thanks." I turned away and headed for the courtyard.

"Ponytail," I heard her mutter in a way that would have sounded sly if this weren't Nagato. It must have been my imagination; but then how could I explain the heat rising to my face?

The courtyard was empty, save for one small figure sitting under the great oak that was its center. It made sense. It was a cold day, that same chilly wind still blowing, and few people would be outside in it unless they had to be. Now, whether Suzumiya was the exception to the rule or a part of it, I didn't know, but it didn't matter. She was here, and that was what counted.

"Hey," I offered, trying to hide my relief. She didn't reply, but gave me a glare good enough to stop me in my tracks and stood up.

"It's getting cold; I'm going in."

"Wait, uh—" I had to say it now. She was leaving, her back turned against me. I had to say it now.

"Haruhi!"

She stopped. It had probably been the yell; "Haruhi" to her was completely normal, after all. The power of the word hit me though. It had come out so naturally now that she was in front of me, clearly upset about something. I wonder how …

"Haruhi."

"What?" She didn't turn around, but she was waiting. Whatever she was upset about, it wasn't at me. Maybe about me, but not at. That was good. That was a chance.

"Haruhi, you know that … "

Come on, just say it, If you don't say it, how are you any different from him?

Him. Ha. The one who stood by and let her go, too afraid to say anything, was me. I couldn't deny that, especially now, when I couldn't even tell her anything.

"Know what?"

Say it!

"You know that if you ever need me, you can just call, right?"

Silence. Then, a bemused scoff , followed by a quiet, hurt remark:

"Idiot."

And with that, Haruhi walked away.

I ambled back to Miss Asahina with a peculiar feeling brewing in my stomach. Had I done all I could do? Was there anything more I could have done? Nagato's little remark about my … preferences, to say it in the vaguest way possible, seemed to suggest no, that all I could do I had done and all that was left to do was wait. But wait for what? I wasn't entirely certain. It was possible even that nothing would happen at all. Time would go on as normal (or abnormal, if my messing around with it wasn't intentional) until the end of the world.

So, all I could do was find Miss Asahina and wait. Wait for something that may never come. Wait for something I couldn't predict if it does come.

It seemed like all I ever did was wait.

* * *

I had managed to make it all the way to the stairwell where Miss Asahina was when it began.

**Kyon?**

I nearly collapsed as sudden pain shot through my head, forcing a yelp out of my throat. I made one wild grab at the doorknob that I used to pull myself against the wall. Head and upper body firmly planted on the door, I panted and waited for the pain to subside, which it did far too slowly. _What the hell was that?_

My eyes darted down the hall, hoping against hope that no one was no one around.

"Hey!"

_Dammit._

Okabe made a nervous little start towards me, then paused. He probably had just barely seen me, if at all. He could have just heard me react to the pain and turned the corner this second. He didn't know what happened, and he didn't want to seem a fool if he turned out to be wrong.

"You okay down there? I thought I heard something."

**Kyon!**

I gritted my teeth and held on to the handle like it was my last tie to this earth. I couldn't afford to get sent to the nurse, or worse, the hospital.

"I'm fine," I said, when I felt my voice was steady enough. "A stubbed toe! I better get to class." And with that, I bolted through the door, just in time.

**KYON!**

"Kyon!"

I was vaguely aware of Miss Asahina grabbing me and placing me on her lap. But how had I fallen to the ground. . .?

**KYON, ANSWER ME, PLEASE! Oh, this is stupid. I don't even know why—**

_**STOP!**_

The pain in my head ceased almost immediately, although there was a dull throbbing in my legs. Nagato's painkillers were wearing off.

As if from far away, I heard Miss Asahina ask what had happened. Even without the new, sharp, stabbing pains in my legs, I was in no position to tell her I was suddenly mentally communicating with someone I could only hope I knew.

_**What's going on?**_

**Just come already, I'm sick of this!**

Harsh, intense pain rocketed through my head again. I could only gasp and clutch my skull, or at least try. Things grabbed at me, trying to hold me down, saying words I couldn't understand. Somehow, through the pain, I forced out another question:

_**Who is this?**_

**It's me. It's—it's Suzumiya. Just come, okay?**

Slowly, the pain in my head shrank as the first thing I realized was that my legs didn't hurt anymore. Either they had been miraculously healed or the supreme pain in my head had canceled all other pain out.

"It's—it's all my fault! I didn't want Miss Nagato to get in more trouble than she was already, but if she had just healed him in the first place …"

"The problem was not his previously received injury." Wait … Nagato? In trouble? What for?

"Nevertheless, the fact that he wasn't healed from before certainly didn't help."

"Shut … up … Koizumi."

Through bleary eyes, I looked up at the faces of my fellow Brigade members, all scared in their own ways. Miss Asahina was a verifiable wreck, which in different circumstances would have left me either thrilled or touched. Koizumi was grim, not even the smallest trace of a smile on his features. Nagato thought a simple hand on my leg long after having been healed would suffice. Miss Asahina was the first to break the stunned silence.

"K—Kyon! I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have moved you through time, but I didn't know what to do and I couldn't go find the Nagato on that time plane—"

"It's okay," I tried to say, but it came out as more of a groan. "I'm glad … you got back."

But I have to go.

I could hear Koizumi asking, "Kyon, what do you mean by that?", but I was already shutting my eyes again.

_**Okay. I'm coming . . . Haruhi.**_

And then I was gone.

* * *

_My beta (whom I sincerely thank) would like to sincerely apologize. She even has a neat little note, but I think I'll stick that on the epilogue. Anyway, here's how it is, guys. After this chapter, there are but two left. And then, we will all have to bid this fic goodbye. But not quite yet! I'll be posting on a daily schedule. So tomorrow, I will post the next chapter. Then, the last/epilogue chapter will be posted on (you guessed it) Monday._

_Oh, and a tiny note on the whole pain thing. I am aware that in episode 6/14, this doesn't really come up at all. However, unless I imagined it, you can see tiny beads of sweat when he wakes up which I always found somewhat odd. Therefore, I think that if he was awake when Haruhi called him then, it might have hurt. Because, as Audley pointed out, people talking inside your head hurts._

_So, until we meet again (which is relatively soon)._


	10. Chapter 9

_Chapter 9._

_

* * *

  
_

It took only a second for me to arrive in closed space, and only a second more for the pain to strike. My head felt like it had shattered on the pavement. I screamed. My body needed a release, some way of expressing to whoever the hell was in charge that it couldn't take much more of this and the safety of the world be damned if it had to.

Only a second later, the pain was blissfully gone and I was dry-heaving on the school pavement. _What the hell? _The last time Haruhi brought me into closed space had been nothing like that. Did sleeping really make all that big of a difference?

Wait. I remembered what happened last time in closed space? Did I remember this before I came here? No, I couldn't have. After all, that memory was pretty much entirely about—

"Kyon?"

I wiped my mouth and turned to see a highly concerned Haruhi. I felt my remaining memories slowly fall into place. Of course. To her, this was a dream. Why shouldn't dream Kyon remember her?

Dream Kyon didn't have anything to lose, in her mind.

* * *

_It was three days ago. No, I guess that wasn't right. It must have been longer than that she had started to wonder about how I felt. I hadn't really left her a choice. There had been that dream, of course, which she must have secretly hoped had actually happened. After all, the very next day I had complimented her on her ponytail. Her sub-conscious couldn't possibly have had that good an intuition._

_But after that, nothing had happened. We got ourselves into a comfortable groove with one another, but it had been a natural development rather than a decision we made. I never liked making the first move, or a move period. I didn't want to even think about it. Waiting was always so much easier._

_So, she waited on me and never said a word. It only made sense that she would start to think up excuses for me, to assume the worst. I guess it sounds terrible, but there was no way I could really help her. I didn't even know how I felt. I still didn't really know.

* * *

_

"Kyon? Are you okay?"

_What do I say?_

"Yeah. I'm fine, Haruhi. What's wrong with you?"

She scoffed. "You're the one trying to puke," she said, turning to look at me, her eyes wary and mistrustful.

* * *

_The same eyes of three days ago, staring me down from across the classroom as Taniguchi called out to me._

_I had turned to find him coming right behind me through the door of the classroom, with Kunikuda in tow. Haruhi's glare from her seat across the room had caught me straight in the back. She had never liked him much, to the point where he had the unwanted record of the shortest time of dating her, but now I could see it had been more about me than him._

"_Hey."_

"_You busy tomorrow?"_

_I hadn't answered right away. I was far too aware of Haruhi's eyes watching me. "Yeah, I am."_

_Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed her turn away and I turned back to see Taniguchi sighing in exasperation. "Let me guess: Suzumiya? Sometimes, Kyon, I pity you."_

"_Gee, thanks."_

"_I'm serious! She hangs on to you like you're her own personal pet. How you can stand it, I'll never know. Unless … " His eyes narrowed. _

_"Don't tell me you two are finally dating?"_

_

* * *

_

"It's freezing out here. I want to go inside."

Haruhi said this in her usual way, making it clear that she was _telling _me to go inside with her instead of merely announcing what she was doing. I didn't mention that it was easily warmer right now than it had been in the real world. She probably already knew that she was exaggerating.

I nodded and pulled myself up, regretting it instantly. A wave of vertigo hit me like a lemon wedge taped to a flying brick and it was all I could do not to fall right back down on the ground. Balance returned after a minute or so, but I didn't know if I could do this whole walking thing.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm fine, Haruhi."

She stared at me, not certain at all. "Don't lie to your chief," she commanded, and then, walking forward, gently grabbed my arm and placed it around her shoulders. "I'll help you inside."

I didn't say anything at first, but as we started to slowly move forward, I muttered a soft 'Thanks' that she might not have heard. She certainly didn't look at me when I said it, so instead I tried as best as I could not to lean on her.

* * *

_Haruhi was still watching the window. I remember mentally thanking every deity I knew in existence for that. The idea of her hearing Taniguchi's stupid remark had terrified me. Yet somehow, I hadn't hesitated to say what she really shouldn't have heard._

"_Your stupidity never ceases to amaze me."_

"_Hey, I'm just saying!"_

_Kunikuda piped in. "It's like I said before. You've always had a thing for the weird ones, Kyon."_

"_And as I recall, I told you not to say things like that." And then, the clincher, which I said slightly more quietly and with a sideways glance at Haruhi across the room. She hadn't seemed like she was paying attention._

"_You know how it is. It's Haruhi, after all. You think I wouldn't get out of it if I could?"

* * *

_

My valiant desire to burden Haruhi as little as possible deteriorated as we made our way inside the building. My head, which didn't hurt as much as I thought it would, instead felt swollen and heavy, although not nearly as much as my lead-filled legs. Just the act of keeping them moving was a Herculean effort and by the time we got to the clubroom, I realized I was practically being carried as Haruhi shifted my weight to get at the door. Where she got the strength, I'll never know.

Upon getting the door open, Haruhi tried to herd me into a chair, but I opted for the floor near the door instead. She scoffed, but let my arm go as I slowly slid down the wall. I really needed to stretch out my legs. She gave me a momentary, evaluating glance before going to make some tea. Had Haruhi ever made tea before? I couldn't remember off the top of my head. Either way, I couldn't help but feel fairly pleased about this, if only for the thought.

Haruhi didn't speak as she boiled, and I took the reprieve gratefully. What did I have to do now? Somehow I didn't think a kiss was really going to be enough this time. Sure, it might serve as a temporary fix, but to her it might seem an empty gesture now.

* * *

_Taniguchi had laughed it off, muttering a "True, true!" and some crack about her weird antics. Eventually, we parted ways and I headed back to my seat. Haruhi didn't talk to me, and when it was time for lunch she headed out and I had followed her._

_It seemed almost weird to think that this was really the cause of everything. Haruhi never seemed to care about what people thought of her. _

_But then, that wasn't the real problem. She didn't care if Taniguchi thought she was weird. She cared about what I thought of her, and she thought I cared about what others thought of me. It was easy to see why; even thinking back on it, that's how it would seem to the regular person. It wasn't as easy to see that in reality, even then, I had been waiting it out.

* * *

_

"Tell me what happened."

Only Haruhi would try to blackmail an injured person by withholding potentially divine, warm tea. Holding it out behind her, she kneeled down to meet me at eye level, not looking the least bit sorry or even sympathetic. I met her glare as evenly as possible, but she wasn't going to give it up. I sighed, resigned.

"What do you want to know about?

"Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about, Kyon. I just had to drag you halfway across the school grounds, not to mention that we're in this weird place again."

I didn't react, but inwardly I flinched a little. Weird place? _Again?_

"I mean, at first I thought it was a dream, but now I'm not so sure."

Okay. She hadn't figured it out. She had guessed, but she wasn't completely certain. Uncertain was good. Uncertain gave me a chance to do what I had to do, if I could just work up the nerve and figure out how.

"Although, if it's not a dream, how did you get your memory back?"

"I don't know what you mean."

"Don't lie to your Brigade Chief!"

"How do you know I'm lying?"

"You're not giving me a straight answer. Usually you'd at least get annoyed by now," she said, finally relinquishing my cup of tea. I took it and sipped before she could take it away from me again. It wasn't perfect, but then again, with my head starting to pound again and my stomach doing some rather impressive acrobatics, I could have sucked down ambrosia and found it not to my taste. It was warm, however, and considering the potential reaction of the person who made it if I didn't drink it, I downed it in three gulps.

"Have some manners, Kyon, at least in front of your Brigade Chief!"

"So," she finally said, more quietly than I had ever heard her speak before. "How did you remember?"

"Haruhi—"

"Don't try to deny it!"

If I hadn't been leaning against the wall, I would have jumped back. I could barely remember the last time Haruhi had yelled at me, and I mean really yelled at me. Not just yelling because she was upset or commanding or in her usual leader Voice of Power. In fact, if I really had to think of a time, it had been back around when we first met, that day my rambling had given her the idea to create the Brigade. I barely remembered what I said; it had sounded impressive at the least, and it had seemed at the time like the necessary response. After all, it had been the one I'd been given.

Despite all this thinking, I didn't respond, and an uncomfortable silence grew like a weed between us. Like that weed in a garden, it seemed to choke us, preventing us from saying anything to disturb it, even as a dozen more thoughts ran through my head like bullets while she stalked away to stare out the window.

I was doing it again. But I couldn't do it again. But I couldn't _not _do it.

I was a coward, the worst kind there was. Haruhi's melancholy was hanging on her like an oversized trench coat, bulky and large and heavy on her slender shoulders, and I wouldn't do anything about it. This was my fault but even then, I couldn't so much as speak.

I hated to see her like that. But I hated to do the one thing that could stop it.

* * *

_Waiting. It was all I ever did. It didn't used to be like that. I used to be like Haruhi, actually, although never that bold and never with such a big mouth. Passivity wasn't a trait that randomly cropped up, after all. It didn't used to be a fear though, as pathetic as it felt to admit that now it was. It was just quiet where Haruhi was loud, accepting where Haruhi was rebellious. An action rather than a feeling._

_When middle school ended and I gave up on all those things she wanted, that was when it started to happen, I think. When the act became more. When nodding my head meant I didn't care anymore and attention waned in things too difficult to handle. In that short period of time, it became very easy for me. I guess that was how negative things worked. This whole affair was proof of that._

_Then again, I had confessed my innermost desires, my hopes, my dreams to the first person whom I felt could understand, and she had slammed the hammer of reality down on it all. If something like that was enough to damage Haruhi, then I had never really stood a chance.

* * *

_

My head started to hurt. Without looking at me, Haruhi started again in that far too quiet tone: "You know, Kyon, the only reason I ever was interested in you in the first place was because you reminded me of a guy I knew once, back in middle school."

I didn't react. I didn't even blink, though the pounding in my head was fast becoming unbearable. I simply watched, afraid to take my eyes off of her, as she continued:

"You weren't anything like him at all. He was fun, and exciting, and he believed in things. Almost more than I did. But you kind of looked like him, so I hoped that maybe you'd change. That maybe— "

She stopped abruptly. Through the haze of pain covering my senses, I heard her sigh before she continued talking.

"The thing is, I dragged you into my Brigade without really thinking about you, what you wanted. Not that I'm apologizing or anything, but … maybe … I shouldn't have done it."

I gritted my teeth against the pain, fighting it, trying to keep my skull from splitting in two.

"So, I was thinking . . . I was thinking maybe - "

Unable to hold it in any longer, I let out a scream.

* * *

_Haruhi had been the one to change that, not that I ever really showed it. It was a slow conversion, rather than the sudden change after Sasaki. Bit by bit, action became action again. I cared, even if I didn't realize it or would never admit it to anyone. I wanted to win the game for her. I wanted to beat the Computer Club for her. I wanted to be there for her._

_It was strange how a pattern like that could come about without you even noticing. But no, I guess I did notice, if somewhat grudgingly. If I hadn't noticed, wouldn't I have changed back faster? Or would it not have happened at all?_

_And, the greater question, one I still couldn't really answer. If I was willing to do so much for her, why couldn't I do the one thing she really wanted?_

_Why couldn't I stop waiting?

* * *

_

"Kyon!"

I welcomed her shout, as with it the pain lessened greatly. She must have been thinking about sending me back when I distracted her with my newfound collapsing ability.

"Hey," I finally said weakly, looking up. I was surprised to see Haruhi's concerned face very close to mine.

She stared for a moment, then asked aloud, "I was right. This is real, isn't it?"

Do I lie?

"Maybe . . . a little."

Silence. Haruhi's eyes went to the floor, and she seemed to think about that fact.

"And you came here because I wanted you to," she said after a while.

I didn't reply, focusing my attention instead on figuring out precisely what she was thinking. I had an idea, but I didn't want to think about that. Except I had to, didn't I? If not now, then when? I had wasted enough time already. There was only one way to fix this, and now that she knew the truth, I could. So, why couldn't I just do it?

"So." Her tone was oddly flat. "It looks like I dragged you in again. Even after I found out what you wanted."

Wasn't I tired of this?

"And if I brought you here … "

Wasn't I tired of waiting?

"I can send you back."

"No!" I started to yell, but my head was splitting along the seams and for all I know it didn't come out as a word at all. I reached out blindly, grasping the first thing I could, just needing some sort of grip, anything to keep me anchored here, anything to keep my mind from breaking off and flying away …

And then, the pain was gone, and I found myself with my arms wrapped tightly around Haruhi Suzumiya.

"... Kyon?" The fear in her voice made me tighten my grip, but although my head was nestled somewhere on her chest, away from her face, I imagined the slightest tinge of red in her cheeks. "I … I don't … "

_Yes. Yes, I am._

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," I mumbled into her shirt, panting for breath.

Slowly, wincing slightly, I adjusted myself so that my head rested on her shoulder. For the first time, I glanced out the window, and noticed the celestial wreaking havoc just outside. That's right. We were in closed space. This was Armageddon all over again. Somehow, I had forgotten.

Even now, it seemed like a very faint, distant concern.

"I'm an idiot."

"You don't have to tell me that."

Despite the sarcasm, her arms stretched gently across my back, and I continued,"I didn't mean what I said. Actually, it's not what I feel at all. It's the exact opposite of what I feel.

"I don't care what they think, Haruhi. I like the Brigade. I like getting caught up in all your weird stuff. In some ways, it's probably the best thing that's ever happened to me. The games, the movie, the trips. You, Nagato, Koizumi, Miss Asahina. But mostly … "

I ran my hand up her back until my fingers were nestled in her hair. I pulled her in as close as possible, enjoying the way her body felt against mine, the silky texture of her hair, and the slight trembling in her arms as she tightened them around me in response.

"Haruhi, I …"

_Say it. Make her understand._

I turned my head, and, as the lights shut off and we found ourselves lit only by an approaching celestial's glow, whispered right into her ear:

"I never want to forget you, ever again. I don't think I could stand it. When I say the Brigade . . .

"I mean you."

Then there was darkness, and I wasn't able to see her response.

* * *

_Tomorrow, I bid goodbye to this fic. You all do as well, but for you I assume it's more fun because it's finally complete and you know it all. For me, who's known it from the beginning and never had to read to see what's next, it makes me feel a little melancholic (and apparently fond of puns)._

_So until we meet again._


	11. Denouement

_Denouement._

_

* * *

_

Miss Asahina's voice was the first one I heard as consciousness slowly returned.

"Kyon! You're back!"

Slowly, my vision focused and I saw her tear-streaked face beaming down at me. Koizumi and Nagato came to stand next to her. I had arrived in the clubroom, lying in the same spot I had been in when I had abruptly departed into closed space. I started to push myself up off the table and, even though I really didn't need it, Koizumi helped me down .

When I was finally standing and confident that I would remain so, I asked, "How long was I gone for?"

Nagato was the first to answer. "Nineteen minutes."

Not even a half hour. Was that really all? I walked to the window, suddenly anxious.

"Did it work?"

"Well," Koizumi replied. "It's hard to say. We certainly can't rule out the theory that the world has been affected slightly. If I had to guess though, I think the world as we know it is safe for another day."

I stared out through the glass. It was dark, lit only by the street lamps outside. There was nothing bizarrely out of place: no dinosaurs, no UFO landing pads, no purple trees. I wasn't really worried, to be honest. Haruhi was more stable than they sometimes gave her credit for, and it wasn't like any of those things had been her motivation for the closed space anyway. I mostly felt guilty that back with her, what would happen to the world afterward really hadn't been on my mind.

Koizumi came close and spoke very quietly in my ear, sounding oddly grave. "Kyon, Asahina told us what happened in the past."

"Yeah?"

"While I'm almost glad that my theory was incorrect, I'm afraid I still feel at fault for some of your misfortune. I had my suspicions about Derrick's loyalties within the Organization, and I should not have introduced you to him."

I looked him over. His serious attitude of the past few days was really starting to weird me out. "Don't worry about it. It actually helped, believe it or not."

He hesitated, then smiled. I should have known his serious face wouldn't last. "So, about what happened now, in closed space?"

"You're too close." Sorry, Koizumi. Not on your life.

I waved slightly, and walked away, spotting my bag underneath the table. "I better go."

This was only partially true. I really did have to leave. My mother was probably worried out of her mind by now. But, I mostly really wanted to check out something outside first, despite it being entirely irrational.

"Oh, that's right!" Miss Asahina squeaked. "Will your mother be all right, Kyon?"

"If you like, I can have the Organization take care of it," Koizumi answered for me. "It'll even help to clear up any questions about your recovery."

Damn. I really did have to take his help. Then again, did I really mind, or was even that just a part of the waiting game?

I guess I had a lot to learn. "Go ahead. Thanks."

Apparently not expecting it, he stared for a second before nodding and turning abruptly, phone already out and ready. I grabbed my bag and started towards the door, but Nagato went first and so I paused to properly say goodbye to Miss Asahina.

"Be safe." Miss Asahina offered awkwardly. She was cutely holding her arm around her back, and I couldn't help but think of her older self for some reason. She also seemed like she had something else to say, but I was in a rush. Perhaps some other time_._

I was surprised to find, however, that I didn't really mind if she never told me at all.

I waved, and went into the hallway, rushing after Nagato.

"Hey!"

She stopped, but did not turn around.

"Back when Miss Asahina and I came back, she said something about you getting into trouble. Is it something I can fix?"

It was a moment before she spoke. "Negative. There is no problem."

"But—"

"I am not allowed to heal by reconstructing data unless it is a mortal injury. In your case, it was not directly mortal, but it contributed to your over-all ability to survive as well as your ability to return the Data Integration Thought Entity's opportunity for autonomous evolution. No problem."

That made a surprising amount of sense, although to be fair, I was growing quite adept at Nagato speech. "Well, thank you, anyway."

She walked away. Whether there was a "you're welcome" meant by that was unclear, but I had other things to worry about right now.

* * *

When I finally made it to the courtyard, I hadn't actually been expecting anything. It was a silly whim, a foolhardy hope that had popped up when I had glanced out the window. I really hadn't expected it to be true or anything.

I'm telling you this so you can see why I was surprised to find Haruhi lying underneath the tree.

Walking up behind her, I said, "Hey" and sat down beside her, grinning for absolutely no reason at all. She turned to me and grinned back.

"Isn't it a bit late, Haruhi?"

"Don't be stupid. I woke up here, same as you, and decided to wait around for a bit."

"For? who"

"Nobody, idiot. What are you trying to imply?"

I smirked, then remembered. There was something important I had to say. "Haruhi, about what happened. I don't think you should mention it to the others."

"Why not? Obviously we have to find out how it works! We've been sent there twice, and this time I was even given some kind of reign. Obviously we are being told by a higher power that it's our destiny; you see it all the time in epic stories!" She was excited now, her one of a kind smile shining like a spotlight in the darkness.

"Don't tell me you're planning another city walk." Oh well. I knew there was no way to make her forget about what happened, and Koizumi would certainly agree. As long as he didn't realize how _much_ she knew about it, it would be all right.

"Very good work, Kyon! Keep this up and you just might rise up through the ranks! I hadn't even thought of that!"

I sighed, but only half-heartedly. "Can we at least wait until after the big English test?"

"If you're actually planning on studying for once—"

"—No, I was just casually bringing it up for no reason."

"Then I'll just have to help you."

I blinked as she smacked me in the shoulder. Just a short while ago, she'd been quiet and still. Was what I said really enough to garner such confidence? No, there had to be more to it than that. She was looking at me with a slightly evaluating eye.

Was she trying to help me?

"I guess I can handle that." I stood up, brushing the seat of my pants. "Right now, though, I think we should get going."

I reached out a hand. "Come on, I'll walk you home."

Haruhi hesitated for a second and no longer. She smirked and, grabbing it, pulled herself up. She didn't let go until we made it to her stop.

But then, I can't honestly say I minded in the slightest.

-------

_I'm standing on the edge of me. _

_Standing on the edge of me. _

_I'm standing on the edge of everything I've never been before. _

_And I've been standing on the edge of me; _

_Standing on the edge._

_--"_On Fire", from _Switchfoot_

---------

_For the lawyers of the world, I do not own the preceding song and am not making any profit on its usage. For the more annoying people of the world (although I don't think any readers that have been so kind as to review are among this group), I am quite aware that the intended themes of this song are religious. However, that is the beauty of music and literature: there's the correct way, obviously, but one can also interpret it on a personal level._

_I'd also like to take this time to thank both the usual and unusal suspects. I would like to thank the anonymous readers who never review, because at least you're reading which means a lot. I would like to thank all the reviewers for taking the time to be just that and offering bits of constructive critisism and nitpicks with the praise. I especially want to thank Alchemy Otaku. There were a lot of repeat reviews, but while I'm not exactly a brilliant mathematician, I believe she has reviewed most often by doing so for every chapter after chapter three. Therefore, she wins in this contest with no prize and no real stakes. Yay, her._

_I would like to thank Nagaru Tanigawa for creating these characters and this universe, and Kyoto Animation for doing a brilliant job animating it._

_And, as always, I want to thank Audley, who has helped with this story far more than I think she even realizes. She doesn't just beta; she uses her own incredible writing ability to help develop what doesn't want to be developed, word what doesn't want to be worded, and reword what I have screwed up because of my own idiocy. No power in the 'verse can stop her, to quote _Firefly_, and for that I say thank you, thank you, and thank you again._

_Now, for her note, which is silly and unnecessary because she need not be so hard on herself but she asks be put in regardless:_

**If you want to blame anyone for the extreme tardiness of these last three chapters, blame me. If you're the kind of person who gets really ticked off about laziness and late chapters, feel free to send me a message explaining exactly how ticked off you are and why it is totally irresponsible of me to take so long just to beta a few short chapters. I welcome your abuse. I won't even rebut it with my pre-prepared argument that I keep ready in case of such an emergency.**

**Seriously though, I am sorry it took so long. I've apologized to Esbee numerous times, and now I apologize to you, dear readers, for it is my fault you have been denied from this lovely fic for so long. I know how frustrating it is waiting for a story you really like to update.**

**Perhaps I blow things out of proportion. Perhaps not. I hope you will accept my apology nonetheless and keep reading Esbee's fics regardless.**

**Aloha,**

**Audley the Lowly and Lazy Beta**

_Yes, send her messages. Messages proclaiming her belated glory. Many thanks, yet again._

_Until we meet again, guys._


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